Wednesday, November 7, 2007

Not a Fight, an Intense Discussion

This NaBloPoMo is getting to me (already?). Last night I was lying awake in bed and couldn't remember whether I'd made a post or not. I was just about crazy enough to get out of bed and go check, because I just couldn't deal with dropping the ball so early in the game. Then I came to my senses and went to sleep.

What a dope.

Chris and I had it out last night about a few things. I was feeling resentful of the unspoken assumptions we both had about whose tasks were whose in our house, and with regards to our coming baby. Specifically, I got myself all worked into a lather about daycare. I posted yesterday's entry using the first person singular: Here's the situation I am in, it's not ideal but I need to be a pragmatist and deal with it the best I can. As I wrote it I felt I was missing something, but couldn't figure out what. When I re-read later, I realized I was talking like a single mother. Where the hell was Chris in all this? Why weren't we working together to find a solution? Why didn't he come forward and tell me what he was willing to do to make it work? Why was it my problem and not ours?

So, we had that out. Of course we were both working under faulty assumptions and not communicating with each other. He had already thought about certain things he would do (both financially and logistically) but hadn't told me what they were. He insisted over and over that "it went without saying", while I argued that I wouldn't know what he was thinking or deciding if he didn't tell me. So frustrating.

In the end, I was proud that neither of us used personal attacks, and neither of us stormed off in a huff; we may not have entirely solved the root problem, but we both got a chance to sound off in a safe way and still go to sleep wrapped in each others' arms. I know this isn't the last intense discussion we're going to have about parenting and all that comes with it, by any stretch of the imagination, so I'm glad we can both handle ourselves like adults and work hard to find the common ground.

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