Friday Five

1. It really is awesome to have a potty-trained child. Arguably, we have traded one set of inconveniences for another: instead of leaving the house with diapers and wipes, we now leave with at least one change of underwear/pants, wipes, and a folding toilet seat. We also have to suggest (sometimes strongly) that Gwen use the potty before we leave home, daycare, Gramma’s, or anywhere else we happen to be. This still seems easier to me, and I am very happy not to have to change (or pay for) diapers anymore. This new regime has slipped rather easily into our routine, and I am really proud of Gwen and happy that we took on this onerous task.

2. I read this incredible book called The Total Money Makeover: A Proven Plan for Financial Fitness which was recommended by a dear friend of mine. Ever since reading it, I look at money in an entirely different way. It’s been very eye-opening and definitely not always pleasant. I encouraged Chris to read certain sections of it too and we are working on our own money makeover now (made slightly more challenging by the unemployment and the unknowns surrounding his EI eligibility, etc.). The way I look at it, the next 1-3 years are going to be incredibly hard for us no matter what we do. But if we take some positive steps during that time, we will be in a better situation than we were before this crisis.

3. On a related note, I spent about $800 last year on weight-loss products. That doesn’t count my gym membership, either. I don't regret any of that spending but I can't afford it anymore, so I am working on finding new (cheap or free) ways to deal with my disordered eating and my love of sitting above any other activity. I do not currently have a goal to lose weight or even fit into a particular outfit. I just need to feel like I am looking after myself, without spending a ridiculous amount of money to do so. I bought Just Dance 2 for the Wii on Boxing Day which I have been calling my “cheap gym membership”. From Dec 26 until Jan 11 I danced/worked out every single day, then I got that nasty cold and stopped, and of course I have not yet resumed. That’s a pretty short-lived habit, even for me. Like anyone else, sometimes I need to say things out loud/publically in order to stick with my commitments, so I might be putting some of that stuff here. Here’s what I’ve got so far: Starting immediately, I'm back to dancing 6 songs/day, 7 days/week. Starting January 24th I am going to add sit-ups. In the Spring, I will start walking to work at least twice a week. I am not ready to make any chocolate-related commitments yet but I can see possibly giving it up for Lent.

4. I am just about finished my “Psychology and the Mass Media” course and will soon be starting “Understanding Media Literacy”. Electives are fun, but challenging: social science courses require a completely different set of writing skills from that used for humanities courses, which is my major. (I have finished the core English requirements for my degree, so I have to take some different stuff for my last few courses.) My recent term paper was about the power of advertising: I got to analyze ten different ads of my choosing to determine what types of persuasion techniques were used. I choose to examine ads from a parenting magazine because guess what, I have a few of those lying around. The results were interesting (perhaps only to me) and can be summed up thus: advertisers will use any and all persuasion techniques available to sell their products through the exploitation of the parent-child relationship. You knew that already, though. My exam in this course is next Thursday, please wish me luck!

5. I still really love my new job, which isn’t all that new anymore since I have been here for 10 months. For a long time I didn’t want to write or talk about anything negative about my job because it was so much hype and upheaval and hand-wringing to come to this position from my last one, and I thought any negativity would be met by “I thought this was your dream job?!” But I’ve now come to realize, even in your dream job there are bad days. And those bad days don’t make it any less your dream job. Kind of like how fighting with your partner doesn’t automatically mean you’re in a doomed relationship or that you don’t love that person. Unfortunately, lately there have been several bad work days close together, and that has not been very enjoyable. The weird thing is that despite the badness, I really do love this job.

The Blogosphere is Taking Over!

On Friday night Chris and I watched Julie and Julia. Just in case you haven't seen or heard of this movie, it's about a young woman living in New York who decides to spend a year making every single one of Julia Child's recipes in the famed book, "Mastering the Art of French Cooking." I was excited to see this movie for many reasons. First, it has been getting good reviews and looked, from the trailer, to be funny and enjoyable. Secondly, it was well-cast with two brilliant actresses: Meryl Streep and Amy Adams. But even more than that, I was stoked because this movie is about a blogger. The movie was based on a book, which was in turn based on a blog. Written by a young woman living in New York who decides to spend a year making every single one of Julia Child's recipes in the famed book, "Mastering the Art of French Cooking." And blogging about it.

I am a blog addict. It's true. I am bigtime hooked on blogs, and in a very real (and mentally unbalanced) way these people are important to me. I shed real tears when one "my" bloggers experiences tragedy. I yell "YES!" at my computer screen when one of them takes a leap of faith. Posts about the daily lives of strangers - insightful, witty*, thought-provoking, inspiring, hilarious, envy-producing, empathy-creating, and so on - genuinely affect my mood and my day. Yes. I told you I was unbalanced.

*Not actually a stranger. Hi, Amber!

So you can imagine how much it blows my tiny mind when the blogosphere becomes more real somehow. I've read several books that are based on and/or written by my favourite bloggers: Cringe, Things I Learned From My Dad (in Therapy), Sleep is for the Weak, Schuyler's Monster, Why Girls are Weird, and of course, It Sucked and Then I Cried. I've read dozens more books that I first heard about through blogs, the same way other people might get book recommendations from, you know, actual real life people that they meet with on a regular basis to spend time socializing ... what do they call those people? Oh yeah, FRIENDS. Anyway, my point is that when a blogger writes a book, s/he comes to the attention of the (perhaps dwindling? we hope?) portion of the population that still thinks blogs are weird. Depending on how the book is written and marketed, these Mainstream Non-Internet-Addicted People may not even KNOW that they are reading a book based on a blog, a book that probably wouldn't even exist if not for that Weird Blogging Thing.

And this, finally, is my point: the movie Julie and Julia is not just about a young woman living in New York who decides to spend a year making every single one of Julia Child's recipes in the famed book, "Mastering the Art of French Cooking." It's about a young woman living in New York who decides to spend a year making every single one of Julia Child's recipes in the famed book, "Mastering the Art of French Cooking and blogging about it. You can't miss the blogging: it's a major plot point of the movie, and there are several scenes that feature voiceovers that are word-for-word source (blog!) material. The film deftly draws parallels between Child's struggle to complete and publish her cookbook, and the young blogger's struggle to identify herself as a writer, essentially equating both types of authorship. That is a powerful message for the rest of us young bloggers, whether or not we dream of book deals. It's a powerful message for the rest of the world, too, those who wonder why we insist on documenting the fascinating minutiae of our lives and sharing it with perfect strangers.

As mentioned above, the movie has been well-received by both audiences and critics, and I was deeply impressed with the humour, the performances, the writing, every last detail down to the sets and costumes. I adored the way Julie and Julia's stories were woven together, and naturally I drooled over the food. This film has even inspired me to at last forgive writer/director Nora Ephron for Sleepless in Seattle. (I will probably still rip into her another day, however, for her book "I Feel Bad About My Neck", anti-feminist tripe that it is.) But really, you can learn about all those aspects on many other sites (or even magazines, newspapers, and non-print media like television and FRIENDS!). Here at Blogging For Two, you'll hear about why this movie makes MY life better, because it's all about me. It makes my life better because it makes blogging a justifiable and valued pastime, hopefully clarifying to the masses why it is we do this thing we do. Making it more normal. Apparently sales of Child's book have surged since the movie's release ... I wonder if there has been a similar increase in blog usage?

As a footnote: Heather B. Armstrong, one of the "realest" bloggers out there, has become just a bit more real. Apparently spurred on by being featured as a Jeopardy! question, she has now decided to take over the world of television by signing a deal with HGTV. Holy shit, y'all. Blogger be UNSTOPPABLE.

Oh, AND? About six months ago, Intel decided to sponsor a blogger's life list. As in, that list of a hundred things you'd like to do before you die - now paid for in full, and all you have to do is write about it. Now THAT is real, my friend!

But most importantly - Annabelle. Welcome, sweet girl!

There are 27 links in this post. Amuse me and tell me how many of them you ended up clicking.

Jodi Picoult on Motherhood

A couple of weeks ago, as you know, I went to the library and grabbed a bunch of books for myself and a bunch for Gwen. I love judging books by their covers, and am generally pretty good at picking out the type of fiction I like, even if I've never heard of the author. I chose a book called Keeping Faith by Jodi Picoult to read first.

On page 17, I came across this passage:

"I figured that motherhood would be something that descended naturally, the same way my milk came in - a little painful, a little awe-inspiring, but part of me now for better or for worse. I waited patiently. So what if I didn't know how to use a rectal thermometer on my child? So what if I tried to swaddle her and the blanket never tucked tight? Any day now, I told myself, I am going to wake up and know what I'm doing.

"It was sometime after Faith's third birthday that I stopped hoping."

That was it - I was hooked. That is *precisely* how I feel about motherhood, right down to the patiently waiting.

I am terrible at writing book reviews, so I won't even attempt to. I'll just say that I really enjoyed this book and link to the Amazon site so you can read other reviews. I also really enjoyed the coincidence that it turns out Jodi Picoult, far from being an obscure author, is "the bestselling author of thirteen books," several of which have been or are currently being turned into movies. The movie "My Sister's Keeper" is based on one of her books, too.

I'm tickled that I found a new favourite and am now determined to read all her novels.

Little Miss Independent

Even before Gwen could roll over, I encouraged her to be independent. I didn't really know that's what I was doing; I thought I was just trying to get a moment or two to myself (if "myself" means "empty the dishwasher, the washing machine, or my bladder"). If I was in the kitchen, I put her in the playpen nearby with a toy or two. If I was in the living room, she was on a blanket on the floor. If I was upstairs, she was in her crib listening to her mobile. My good friend Janice, who is very wise in the way of babies, complimented me on the fact that I expected Gwen to entertain herself for a minute or two while I did whatever it was I was doing.

Well, Gwen is now almost thirteen months old and I'd say she's pretty darn independent. In general, the only time she fusses and squawks at us is when we're in the kitchen, as she seems to suspect that any kitchen-related activity means that we are Eating Delicious Food And Not Sharing It With Her, which is of course a deadly sin in Gwen's book. For the most part, she plays well on her own and doesn't seem to expect us to entertain her, though she does prefer that we're in the room with her while she plays (so she can keep an eye out for that Delicious Food and make sure it is Appropriately Shared).

The downside to her independence is that she is not a very loving child. For the first few days, picking her up from daycare meant gigantic grins and enthusiastic hugs. These days, she's still happy to see us and happy to come home, but she doesn't see the need for a big cuddle to reinforce that. She very rarely gives hugs at all, and while I'm trying to teach her to give kisses, what she usually does is lean towards me on cue, allowing me to kiss her, and then immediately lean away, anxious to get back to her busy life. Upon being asked for a kiss, she look and acts exactly like a sixteen-year-old would.

I just finished reading Dooce's book It Sucked And Then I Cried (which was, by the way, a dynamite read) and one of the many parts that brought tears to my eyes was in her descriptions of the newborn phase. Now, when Gwen was a newborn, I remember being absolutely dumbfounded at a misty-eyed grandmother who told me that the 3am feedings were her favourite part of the day, and that she missed that closeness once that phase was over. I never felt that way. Night wakings were to be endured, not enjoyed, and if once in a while I savoured the secret smiles Gwen seemed to save just for me - she smiled at 3am long before she smiled "publically" in the daytime - there were dozens of other nights I inwardly groaned when I heard her cry, eagerly anticipating the time when she would sleep through the night.

But now, looking back, I get it. I won't say the newborn phase was my favourite - there were way more negatives than positives, in my opinion - but at last, I get the appeal. There was something powerful, almost magical, about the connection Gwen and I had at the time. The way that I could soothe her crying with just my physical presence. The way she curved her body around mine as I fed her. The way I stroked her impossibly soft hair as she fell asleep, and the humbling act of trust implicit in that moment. I read the book, and I reflected on those moments, and I hungered for my daughter's touch. Craved it. And that afternoon, like all afternoons, she was too busy for kisses and cuddles, because there was playing to be done.

Yes, my daughter is independent. And as a personality trait, it will serve her well, and I'm proud of her. But oh, I hope like mad that when she gets a little older she will get a little more cuddly. I have all this love for her, a gigantic, devouring love that demands to be expressed physically, and I have nowhere to put it. I dream of lazy mornings when she climbs out of her own bed and joins us in ours. I long for afternoons cuddling on the couch watching television and evenings with her in my lap and a book in her lap, discussing exactly why Prince Ronald is a bum. It's a good thing I have two friends currently expecting and a host of others who will be "trying" in the next year or so. At least I can get my snuggles from someone's baby, even if it's not my own!

Laura's in the Kitchen!

I am becoming quite the little cook, I must say.

In the past few weeks, I have learned how to skin tomatoes by plunging them into boiling water. I have learned how to make a lovely cheese sauce. I have learned how to cook fish, which I have never done in my life. I learned how to make mashed potatoes (up until now I got them out of a package). I've even learned how to make a rich and fragrant pot of stock from scratch.

And it's all because of The Baby's Table!

Yes, that's right, my darling daughter Gwen is the recipient of all this marvellous food. Just yesterday I made her "Florets in Cheese Sauce" which is made from the cheese sauce I mentioned above, plus 4 cups of broccoli and/or cauliflower florets. It was incredibly easy to make, and oh my, it smelled heavenly! The only thing differentiating this meal from Grown-Up Food was the fact that the sauce contained formula instead of milk. Oh, and the part where I put it in the food processor to puree it. But other than that? Oh my goodness! My daughter eats real food!

I am so enjoying doing this for her. Probably because I can make a recipe (or two or three) while she's napping, freeze it in ice cube trays, and then have meals on hand for the next two weeks or so. There are few things I enjoy more than avoiding the 5pm debate about what's for dinner! But even aside from the convenience, I am just really enjoying the process of it: choosing what I'm going to make, learning the new procedures, organizing the cubes into baggies so that every baggie holds about three days' worth of a variety of meals. Man, I am such a geek.

I know that making one's own baby food is one of those Meccas of Excellent Motherhood. It's one of the ones that most people intend to do, at some point, but they just find it too difficult, or time-consuming, or whatever. And maybe once I get back to work the novelty will wear off. But honestly, I'm loving it right now. I'm excited to try out more recipes and sock away tons more food in the freezer so Gwen will have wonderful, tasty, healthy lunches while she's at daycare. I love the fact that her food has no additives or preservatives, and honestly I'm finding it way easier than I expected to prepare a lot of natural, healthy foods.

If I could figure out a way to make money at this, I would!

New Reading List

I'm trying to update my blog for the new year (a little late, I know, but these things take time). As such, since the pregnancy, labour, and birth part of my motherhood experience is over, I moved the books relating to those subjects to an Archived Reading List and updated the one on the sidebar to include more books on parenting - both references and tales from the trenches. Here's the new list:

What to Expect the First Year – WTE When You’re Expecting is Evil Incarnate. However, WTETFY is a reference I find myself turning to again and again to check milestones, sleep issues, food ideas, and more. I like the format as it means I can just skim and easily find things that interest me and/or apply to Gwen.

The Happiest Baby on the Block – Invaluable resource about “the missing fourth trimester” and how to soothe your baby. This book, along with our Miracle Blanket, made Gwen’s first few months infinitely more livable. The writing style is a bit drab, and possibly sexist in places, but nevertheless the techniques work.

The No-Cry Sleep Solution – I found this a great source of information about how babies sleep (and wake) and how much sleep we should be aiming for at any given age. Lots of great techniques, and copy-able worksheets and sleep logs are included.

The Mommy Myth: How the Idealization of Motherhood has Undermined All Women – If you’ve ever wondered about the image of a mother with infinite patience and ability for self-sacrifice, who wants nothing more from life than to experience life through her children … or been downright irked about it … this is a fascinating book detailing where the myth came from, what purpose it serves, and how we can escape it. Of particular note is the section on Celebrity Motherhood.

Misconceptions: Truth, Lies, and the Unexpected on the Journey to Motherhood – Naomi Wolf (The Beauty Myth) takes on motherhood, especially the challenges and isolation of the postpartum period.

The Mask of Mother Hood: How Becoming a Mother Changes Everything, And Why We Pretend It Doesn't – The “mask” is the pretense that motherhood is not only easy but intrinsically rewarding, that we spend every hour of the day (and night) rejoicing in how delightfully “worth it” our little ones truly are. This book dares to confront the posturing and dig into how much mothers sacrifice for their children – and how little society acknowledges.

Perfect Madness: Motherhood in the Age of Anxiety – Why *are* we so driven to make sure our kids get in the right schools, the right daycare, the right Gymboree program? Why are we so desperately pushing them to learn reading, writing, and math before they even enter preschool? This book examines the differences between mothering now and mothering half a century ago.

Mothershock: Loving Every (Other) Minute of It – Compares the transition from woman to mother to that of a traveler in a foreign country: except that as mothers, while dealing with a language barrier, unpredictable customs, and of course intense sleep deprivation, we are expected to be President of this new and bizarre territory. A very enjoyable collection of essays.

It's a Girl: Women Writers on Raising Daughters – Parenting boys is a different experience from parenting girls, each with its unique challenges and rewards. This collection of essays looks at the particular issues we face as mothers of daughters and raises important questions about how to raise them in today’s world.

Sleep is For the Weak – A collection of the best of the mommybloggers. These essays will make you laugh, tear up, sigh in recognition, and above all, realize that you’re not alone.

Your Self-Confident Baby: How to Encourage Your Child's Natural Abilities - From the Very Start - Written by Magda Gerber, founder of the RIE philosophy. This is an excellent, easy-to-read resource full of ideas about how to treat your baby/child with respect, encouraging him or her to develop at his/her own pace. A welcome change from the "teach your child to read by age two" mavens.

The Baby's Table - Baby Feeding for Dummies. This book has ensured that Gwen has a variety of healthy and fun food to eat. Without it, she'd probably still be eating limp reheated green beans three times a week. The book is actually fun to use and super informative.

Reading List

My belief in life is that there is no problem in the world that won't be helped by reading a book about it.

This is borne out by my reading list from the past year or so. Some selections:

Taking Charge of Your Fertility
Pregnancy Loss: A Silent Sorrow
Baby Catcher: Chronicles of a Modern Midwife
The Birth House
Pregnancy Sucks
The Midwifery Option: A Canadian Guide to the Birth Experience
The Doula Advantage
Birthing From Within
The Thinking Woman's Guide to a Better Birth
Pregnancy, Childbirth, and the Newborn
What to Expect the First Year
The Happiest Baby on the Block
The No-Cry Sleep Solution
Sleeping Through The Night and Other Lies



That's a whole history of my recent life right there, isn't it? I love that.


Recently some other books have joined my list: books that tackle the hard questions about motherhood, as the first generation of feminists become mothers and confront the fact that we can't really "have it all" as we've been promised.


The Mommy Myth: How the Idealization of Motherhood has Undermined All Women
Misconceptions: Truth, Lies, and the Unexpected on the Journey to Motherhood
The Mask of Mother Hood: How Becoming a Mother Changes Everything, And Why We Pretend It Doesn't
Perfect Madness: Motherhood in the Age of Anxiety
Mothershock: Loving Every (Other) Minute of It
It's a Girl: Women Writers on Raising Daughters


Love love love these books. Love the questions they raise about the societal role of motherhood, and the knowledge that I'm not the only one to find this job mind-numbingly tedious and yet utterly all-consuming at the same time. The books don't offer easy answers, but they do assure me I'm not alone, and often phrase my own dilemmas and difficulties in much more articulate language than I'm able to produce. Which is why I'm an amateur blogger and they are published writers, I guess. At least I can claim to be well-read, right?

Reading List (Archive)

Since the pregnancy, labour, and birth part of my life is behind me now, I decided to change my reading list to include more current (parenting-related) topics. Here's the previous list of books I adored.

Baby Catcher - a book written by a modern midwife with many tales of her experiences in midwifery. A personal and touching look at the other side of birth.
Pregnancy, Childbirth, and the Newborn - fantastic reference. Written by a doula and two Registered Nurses.
The Birth House - fictional account of how the medical establishment changed birthing practices in a small Nova Scotia fishing village in the early 20th century.
The Birth That's Right for You - A good starting point to get you thinking about different birthing alternatives and how you might function in different scenarios.
The Doula Advantage: Your Complete Guide to Having an Empowered and Positive Birth Experience with the Help of a Professional Childbirth Assistant - If you have never heard of doulas or are not sure what they're all about, read this. Very accessible with tons of valuable information and statistics about how doulas improve birth outcomes.
The Midwifery Option: A Canadian Guide to the Birth Experience - Terrific guide to what midwives are and are not. There's a lot of misinformation about midwifery; this book will set you straight.
The Thinking Woman's Guide to a Better Birth - Indispensable guide to what interventions may be recommended: what they are, how they affect you and your baby, alternatives, and so on.
Birthing From Within: An Extra-Ordinary Guide to Childbirth Preparation - an excellent resource for facing and accepting your fears and reclaiming the spiritual, emotional, and psychological aspects of birth.
The Birth Partner - The definitive guide for anyone who wants to help a woman through labour and childbirth. Includes information about pain management, tests for the newborn, postpartum period, and more.