Curly or Straight?

A couple of weeks ago, during our morning snuggle in the Big Bed, Gwen told me she didn't like her hair.
(I know!  I thought I had about ten more years before I had to start fielding that particular complaint.  But no, four years old is apparently time to start feeling dissatisfied with yourself, these days.)

There is a little Asian girl who goes to Gwen's daycare, and Gwen told me she loves this girl's hair and how it is "all flat like a waterfall".  She wants to have hair like this, too.

(And how clearly I remember spending many months and years wishing MY hair were as curly and voluminous as Gwen's now is.)

I told her that her hair was lovely just the way it is, but that if she wanted me to, I could straighten her hair with my straightening iron.  To be honest, I thought she'd be totally against the idea once she understood just how long she'd have to hold still.  But no - she wanted hair like a waterfall.  So she sat ever so patiently and I straightened her hair.

I could hardly take my eyes off her for the rest of the day.  But not for the right reason.  She just didn't look like herself.  I don't like straight hair on her.  And part of that is that it REALLY highlights the fact that she hasn't had a professional haircut in over a year - curly hair hides a multitide of sins, and sometimes those sins are at-home quick-job get-the-hair-out-of-her-face hair cuts by Dad.  Plus I just really like her curly hair.  It kind of signifies her personality (crazy, obvious, untameable).

But on the other hand, as much as I don't want her subverting her own image of herself to be someone else - a sweet, quiet Asian girl with waterfall hair - I don't want her to be who ~I~ want her to be, either.  I've got the responsibility to teach her grooming and self-care and basic rules of decency, but I don't get to tell her how to dress or how to look.  (Again, kind of thought I had another decade before pondering these things.)  In general, she picks her own clothes and I don't get in the way of that, other than making sure she is warm/cool enough and, as I said before, decent. 

So my response to this is that while her hair was straight, I commented often that she is beautiful with straight hair and she is beautiful with curly hair.  I make sure to tell her each day while I comb her (now curly once again) hair that it is so lovely, and that lots of people wish they had such beautiful curls.  I try not to make a big 'thing' out of her choices.  Hopefully by the time she *is* fourteen, we will both have had a lot of practice at this attitude, and we'll be ready.