Pre-natal Yoga

In one of my several weekly emails from various websites letting me know what's up with My Pregnancy This Week, I got some tips on pre-natal yoga.

The five best prenatal yoga postures
1. The Pringle. Lie on your back with a can of chips balanced on your stomach. See if you can eat them all before you fall asleep.
2. The Sneeze. As the sneeze approaches, squeeze your knees together, breathe in and out, and try to remember what it used to feel like to "hold it in." Keep this pose while you hobble to the bathroom to change your underwear.
3. The Calf Cramp. Try to stretch around your belly and rub your leg while simultaneously screaming loudly enough to wake everyone in your zip code.
4. The Pesto Burp. Bring your chin to your chest and exhale as silently as you can through your closed mouth. Reward yourself with a nice, meditative Fudgesicle.
5. The Sleeping Hip. Lie on your side until you lose all feeling. Roll onto your other side and repeat. Namaste!

Last night, I actually went to a pre-natal yoga class for the first time. I was really excited as this was my first opportunity to meet other pregnant moms and do some of that all-important mommy networking, not to mention commisserate on all the joys of pregnancy. Oh, and get some pregnancy-appropriate exercise, of course!

The class was so enjoyable. There were 3 other moms there plus the instructor, who is mom to a 14-month-old and has worked as a doula, so she had lots of expertise on the pregnant body and gave wonderful instructions. Two of the other moms there were in their second pregnancy, and the third was another first-timer like me. I also learned that there was usually another woman in attendance, and everyone was speculating about her absence since her baby is due in two days!

Throughout the class, any meditation/visualizatons that we did included the baby as part of our focus: for example, "Visualize your breath going deep, deep into your body, nourishing your body, and nourishing your baby." We practiced a squat position that is comfortable and appropriate for labour (it shortens your vagina by 20%!), working our way up to holding it for 90 seconds, which I learned was the length of a contraction. As we held poses, one or the other of the students would begin a brief discussion about certain symptoms or experiences she was having with her pregnancy, so the rest of us could commisserate. And next class, the instructor has arranged for a doula to come and talk to us for a few minutes before we begin our session.

All in all, it was both emotionally and physically enriching, and I'm so glad I found it. I also confirmed last night that though this run of classes ends in early December, there will be another run starting in January, so with luck I can continue to take the classes right up until birth. This is especially exciting as there are no other pre-natal yoga classes in Nanaimo - and this is actually the first time this particular instructor has had enough interest to offer one herself. So it's a rare and precious thing, and I'm lucky enough to have found it!

The New Plan

A bit of a crisis in the Wordy house this week, as I stepped on the scale to learn I have put on 20 pounds in the first trimester.

I put off writing about this for a few days until I knew what I was going to do about this, as I didn't want to write a whiny entry about how ever-loving FAT I am and how helpless I felt about it. A few days ago, I did feel helpless, as any mention I made of my weight and/or my changing body was met (by my husband, friends, naturopath, midwife) with the hand-patting response of, "Pregnant women are supposed to gain weight. Don't worry about it." This was hardly the empowerment I wanted, as I interpreted it as, "Just keep eating, there's nothing you can do about it." And eat I did.

But let's not get into that. Let's look instead at the New Plan.

In the first trimester, I was sick sick sick. Good intentions to eat healthily were derailed by a nausea that would only allow certain foods at certain times, and these foods were usually the kind of starchy carby crap that I don't eat normally. But they tasted so damn good, I ate a lot of them - hence the 20 pounds. In a sense, I was largely helpless to disobey the strict orders of my fussy stomach; if I ate something it didn't want, it would simply reject it and send it back the way it came, hardly a fun experience for either of us.

But the first trimester and the Dictatorship of the Nausea is over. I don't feel as sick anymore (knock on wood), and there's no reason I can't follow a reasonable eating plan. So I'm doing that. Five servings of fruits and veggies every day, lean protein, limited complex carbohydrates, 2 litres of water, and NO EMPTY CALORIES. (This one is hard as we still have tons of Halloween candy left over.)

In the first trimester, I was also exhausted. I know those of you who have been pregnant before know the kind of exhaustion I'm talking about. It's not, "Hey, it would be nice to lie down for a while after work," it's "There's the couch, and - zzzzz." Again, I had little choice in the matter. My good habits of exercise, predictably, went down the drain.

But the first trimester and the Need for Naps is over! I can exercise now - in fact, I went to the gym after work the other day and man, it felt good. It was really hard to walk in the door after such a long absence, as I was anticipating comments from the staff that it had been a while. But no such comments were forthcoming, and I did my 30 minutes on the elliptical with the predictable red-faced sweating and the less predictable but incredibly welcome rush of endorphins. There's no reason I can't be getting a good workout 4 days a week, so that's the plan: yoga Mondays and Thursdays, cardio on the elliptical Tuesdays and Fridays.

So that's the plan, and I'm feeling much more empowered and capable than I was a few days ago. I've also finally made it clear to Chris and a few friends what kind of support is helpful and what is damaging, so I've got a few people keeping me on track and giving me reality checks. Here's to a healthy second trimester.

Not a Fight, an Intense Discussion

This NaBloPoMo is getting to me (already?). Last night I was lying awake in bed and couldn't remember whether I'd made a post or not. I was just about crazy enough to get out of bed and go check, because I just couldn't deal with dropping the ball so early in the game. Then I came to my senses and went to sleep.

What a dope.

Chris and I had it out last night about a few things. I was feeling resentful of the unspoken assumptions we both had about whose tasks were whose in our house, and with regards to our coming baby. Specifically, I got myself all worked into a lather about daycare. I posted yesterday's entry using the first person singular: Here's the situation I am in, it's not ideal but I need to be a pragmatist and deal with it the best I can. As I wrote it I felt I was missing something, but couldn't figure out what. When I re-read later, I realized I was talking like a single mother. Where the hell was Chris in all this? Why weren't we working together to find a solution? Why didn't he come forward and tell me what he was willing to do to make it work? Why was it my problem and not ours?

So, we had that out. Of course we were both working under faulty assumptions and not communicating with each other. He had already thought about certain things he would do (both financially and logistically) but hadn't told me what they were. He insisted over and over that "it went without saying", while I argued that I wouldn't know what he was thinking or deciding if he didn't tell me. So frustrating.

In the end, I was proud that neither of us used personal attacks, and neither of us stormed off in a huff; we may not have entirely solved the root problem, but we both got a chance to sound off in a safe way and still go to sleep wrapped in each others' arms. I know this isn't the last intense discussion we're going to have about parenting and all that comes with it, by any stretch of the imagination, so I'm glad we can both handle ourselves like adults and work hard to find the common ground.

Planning Ahead: Child Care

A friend who works in child care told me I should get on a waiting list now that I am in the second trimester. I find this mind-blowing. I've always imagined that I could play the "wait and see" game with child care, since I firmly believe that you can't predict how you will feel about it until much, much closer to the time - let alone judge the child's readiness for the situation. I may decide that I love staying home with my child so much that I want to quit my job altogether. Or my child might be so outgoing and busy that the social atmosphere of a child care would be far better for him/her than our home. Or anything in between. I used to scoff at people who would make these decisions when their child was just a few weeks old - now I'm having to plan ahead for it months before the child is even born. It's a little stunning.

On the other hand, I do understand the underlying urgency of it. If I "wait and see" and then decide that child care is needed, I may not have the choice as child care waitlists can be months or even years long. That's kind of terrifying, and probably says something about the policies of our current government, but that's a rant for another day. For now, I have to be the pragmatist and figure out how to deal with the situation I've got the best way I can.

So I went ahead and asked the local CCRR for some referrals. They sent me a list of five child care facilities, but I have no idea how they chose these five out of the dozens we have locally. Are these the ones that have openings *now*? Are they the ones who have long waitlists and may have spots opening by the time I need them in April of 2009? They can't possibly be the five closest to my geographical location, because one of them is 20 minutes away across town. I am clueless.

The first thing I did is try to find all of the facilities online - I found two out of five, and both of those had prices listed. Child care at these two sites is about $40/day. I plan to work part-time after the babe is born, so I'd need child care for three days a week. Moreover, my mother-in-law mentioned months ago in the first pregnancy that she would babysit one day a week, so if she means that, we'd only need child care two days a week.

Assuming a monthly part-time take-home wage of $830, I would then be paying out about $320/month for two days a week of child care and have just enough left over to pay my car loan, insurance, and gas. No groceries, no RRSP contribution, no gym membership or travel fund or haircuts. Luckily for me, though, I have a husband, and he makes much more money than I do, so I guess this is the time in my life when I have to lean on him financially.

If, heaven forbid, Karen doesn't actually want to provide a free day of babysitting and I need to pay for three days of child care, the numbers get a little more bleak. Three days would be over $500/month, leaving me with less money than I'd need to pay my car loan. Ugh.

Despite the bleakness, the figures are actually somewhat *better* than I thought - I thought once I added up the costs, working would be a break-even or slightly better proposal. Even $300/month is something.

Dear Gestating Baby

Dear Gestating Baby,

Wow! Here we are, 14 weeks into this pregnancy. You’ve existed for a full 12 weeks, which according to the experts means we’re likely in this for the long haul. This is such exciting news for me and your dad, as well as your two loving sets of grandparents and many other relatives and friends who are eagerly awaiting your arrival.

According to the many websites I visit on a weekly basis, you are now about 3 to 5 inches long – about the size of your dad's fist - and weigh between one and two ounces. I’m hoping my growing uterus and placenta account for the 14 pounds I’ve gained so far, since you only weigh as much as a large paper clip. This week, you’re supposed to start practicing two vital life skills – breathing and peeing. Good luck!

I didn’t even know that your ears were previously located on your neck, but apparently they were. This week, however, they’re going to move to the more customary location on the sides of your head, for which I am grateful. I wonder what you can hear in there? Can you hear your dad and I arguing about what we should name you? Get used to that noise, because I think it’s going to continue for quite some time. You are developing vocal chords this week, so you could voice your opinion on the subject – only, you don’t know how to talk yet, so I don’t think we’d pay much attention to your little babblings, even if we could hear them.

Your thyroid gland is developing this week, and your body is producing its own hormones. “Hormones” is a word you may have heard your father and I saying a lot, these past few months, as it seems more than anything they dictate my physical state and thus my mindset and behaviour. I won’t lie to you, those hormones have been making my life pretty tough these past few months. But all the websites assure me that the worst is behind me now as we sail into the second trimester – time of glowing, energy, and peaceful bliss.

Well little baby, I’m glad you’re in there, and though I look forward to meeting you, don’t you be in any rush to come out. Stay in there until we’re all good and ready for you to be born, sometime next May. We’ll talk more, closer to the time, about what that’s going to be like – but for now, you just keep growing, keep breathing, and keep getting strong and healthy, I’ll take care of the other details.

Love,
Momma