Wednesday, July 13, 2011
Friday, June 24, 2011
Dear Gwen: Month Thirty-Eight
Dear Gwen,
Today, you are thirty-eight months old.
Last weekend, we were at your grandparents’ house to celebrate Father’s Day. Your Grandpa Keith hinted all through dinner that there was something special to do afterwards, and he was not kidding. He said he’d ‘found’ a map while walking through the forest, and it looked like a pirate treasure map! Your response was so adorable: every time he suggested that we should go follow the map and find the treasure, you would ask with such excitement, “Can I COME?” As if we would do it without you!
So after dinner, we put on some pirate accessories (always on hand in the toy box) and unfurled the map. It led us from one checkpoint to another around Gramma and Grandpa’s yard; from the deck, to the shop, to your treehouse, to the garden, and finally to a spot right near the entrance to the woods. There was an ‘x’ made of sticks that matched the ‘x’ on the map, and sure enough, we found buried treasure in there! A tin held some chocolates, a seashell, and a little toy for you. Really, it’s amazing that those ancient pirates knew where your treehouse and Gramma’s garden would eventually be built, don’t you think?
You have lots of various passions, which I think is excellent. You are still utterly fascinated with ballerinas and ballerina dancing. I’ve been taking you to a Salsa Tots class (free for the summer!) and it’s held in a dance studio. The first time we got there, we were just waiting to go into our class when the previous class let out: a class full of 7-9-year-old ballerinas, in costume, preparing for their recital. Your eyes just about burst out of your head. “Mama, are we going in there?” You looked as if I had brought you to the most wonderful place in the world. Ballerinas! Right in front of you! I can’t wait for Dada to get a job so I can enroll you in an actual ballerina class. In the meantime, you thoroughly enjoyed Salsa dancing as a substitute.
In a move that heartily pleases your dad, you are becoming very interested in science shows. We found a CD/DVD set at the library called “Here Comes Science!” by TMBG, and you are very into it. You also asked for Bill Nye (the Science Guy) by name about a week ago, which pretty much made your dad’s entire year. He is very determined that you should not shun science or math just because you’re a girl, and he’s thrilled that you have an interest. You have a great memory, too, so you’re actually learning some useful stuff while you watch.
Conversely, you have picked up an interesting phrase somewhere along the way that troubles me a bit. Every once in a while, you will say, “That’s only for boys,” or “That’s only for girls.” Even more intriguing – there’s no clear pattern in the activities you’re assigning to boys and girls; i.e. you have not declared that dolls and tea parties are for girls and trucks and dinosaurs are for boys. I gently correct you each time and say that girls and boys can all do the same things, but actually I think what I should be doing is listening instead of talking. A few days ago, we were all having breakfast together. For beverages, you and I were having a smoothie, and Dada was having a protein shake. You observed that my cup didn’t have a lid on it, and your cup didn’t have a lid on it, but Dada’s cup did. And then concluded, “So boys like to have cups with lids, and girls like to have cups without lids.” It’s clear to me that you are working to sort out your world and make sense of what you see around you. Maybe I don’t need to leap so quickly to contradict your observations.
I’ve written so much this month, Gwen, and I guess that’s a reflection of how much I am enjoying this stage with you. It seems that with each passing year, you just get better and better. I’m so glad I’m your Mama, and I love you a million, billion, kajillion and three!
Love,
Mama
Today, you are thirty-eight months old.
I’ve got to say – I LOVE having a three-year-old. I love that your attention span is long enough to do stuff that I enjoy doing, like nature walks or baking. I love that we are done with naptimes, diapers, specialized food and utensils – you and I can leave the house with a small bag of necessities and just go where the mood takes us. I’m always on the lookout for free (or cheap) activities, and you are ready to embark on anything. We’ve gone to a parade, we’ve attended a street party, we’ve checked out the museum … anything goes, and we are BOTH having fun. It’s the BEST!
Never was this more apparent than a few weeks ago. Your dad was out of town, and friends of ours had invited us to a barbecue. I was a little worried, because in this particular group of friends, we are the only ones with a kid – in fact, with Dad away, I probably would have turned down the invitation if the inviter had not specifically said, “You and Gwen are welcome to come.” I prepared mindfully, bringing along bubbles, a small notebook and crayons, a rubber ball, your beloved ‘matching game’, and your digital camera. It worked! You socialized well with the adults (after a brief shy period), played with them and by yourself when asked, and were generally awesome. I loved that after you ate your customary two bites of dinner and declared yourself to be done, I could tell you to go play in the yard by yourself for a while, while I finished my food. You were sometimes a little demanding that someone play with you, but I told the other adults that “No, thank you,” was a perfectly acceptable answer, and sure enough when you got that answer you respected it. In all – you were a fun and charming addition to the party, not monopolizing anyone’s time (even mine). Later in the evening, another couple arrived with their 6-month-old baby, and I was reminded how much of a chore parenting is at that stage: the parents had to take turns eating, and someone was always “on duty” to soothe, rock, feed, etc. In contrast, I was easily able to participate in adult conversation (!) while you happily played nearby. I was so thrilled to be mom to a three-year-old!
In general, you are getting more and more interested in playing by yourself, and embarking on imaginary play. Your imagination is amazing. Our bedtime routine has expanded to include a few of your inventions: we used to sing “Flying V” before bed, but this has evolved into me singing a variation called “Flying Superhero named Gwen”, for which you feed me each one of the lines immediately before I sing them. The lines vary a little depending on your mood, but several themes are consistent: Gwen flies way up where the stars and the planets are, and she doesn’t have a mama and dada, so she flies there all by herself, really fast. I did ask you if you liked having a mama and dada, after listening to you imagine night after night that you didn’t, and you confirmed that when you are Gwen, you like having a mama and dada, but when you are a superhero, you don’t have a mama and dada. That explains it.
The last part of our bedtime routine takes place with the light out and you tucked into your bed (two blankets, lambie and bunny, special pillow, monkey pillow, cup of water, baton all within reach). That’s when you tell me your ‘rainbow story’. Here is a typical one:
Once upon a time, there was a magical princess. She lived in a castle. And she had a king and queen. She said to them, “Can I go to the beach to make sandcastles?” and they said, “We want to come with you!” So they all got in the car and drived to the beach. And the king and queen helped her make sandcastles. Then they goed home and the princess goed to bed. The end!
You have a fascinating sense of humour. A few weeks ago, your Uncle Mikey was visiting and you were telling him a knock-knock joke.
Gwen: Knock knock!
Uncle Mikey: Who’s there?
Gwen: Interrupting cow!
Uncle Mikey: Interrupting cow who?
Gwen: ... Moo!
Now, expert comedians know that the “moo” is supposed to come while the straight-man is saying, “Interrupting cow who?” because that’s what interrupting means. Me, I’m just astounded and impressed that you told a joke consistently from start to finish. Mike and I were laughing and he decided to poke fun at your comedic skills a bit. “Hey Gwen, do you know what the secret of good comedy is?” No doubt he thought you would say, “No, what?” and then he would get to tell you that it’s timing. But you surprised us a second time! Your eyes lit up, and you said, “YES! I have it, it’s upstairs!” You immediately rushed upstairs to fetch the secret of good comedy, while we waited and laughed some more.
After a few minutes of suspense, you returned downstairs with a little black case that actually looked like it COULD contain the secret of good comedy. You then proudly opened it to reveal your collection of Mr. Potato Head parts. Your humour is unconventional, but it’s undeniably hilarious, that’s for sure.
About a week ago, we were doing something in the kitchen and I spotted the unmistakable signs of you needing to go potty – wiggling uncomfortably, bouncing, etc. “It looks like you need to go potty, Gwen,” I said. “I’ll put this snack stuff aside and wait for you to come back to help me. You go potty.” “NO,” you said in no uncertain terms. “I don’t need to go!” “Are you sure?” “YES.” Alright then – we went on with our task. Less than a minute later, you suddenly said, “Gwen needs to go potty!” and rushed down the hall. As you situated yourself on the potty, you shouted “Mom, say ‘I told you so!’” Which I did. In between giggles.
Last weekend, we were at your grandparents’ house to celebrate Father’s Day. Your Grandpa Keith hinted all through dinner that there was something special to do afterwards, and he was not kidding. He said he’d ‘found’ a map while walking through the forest, and it looked like a pirate treasure map! Your response was so adorable: every time he suggested that we should go follow the map and find the treasure, you would ask with such excitement, “Can I COME?” As if we would do it without you!So after dinner, we put on some pirate accessories (always on hand in the toy box) and unfurled the map. It led us from one checkpoint to another around Gramma and Grandpa’s yard; from the deck, to the shop, to your treehouse, to the garden, and finally to a spot right near the entrance to the woods. There was an ‘x’ made of sticks that matched the ‘x’ on the map, and sure enough, we found buried treasure in there! A tin held some chocolates, a seashell, and a little toy for you. Really, it’s amazing that those ancient pirates knew where your treehouse and Gramma’s garden would eventually be built, don’t you think?
You have lots of various passions, which I think is excellent. You are still utterly fascinated with ballerinas and ballerina dancing. I’ve been taking you to a Salsa Tots class (free for the summer!) and it’s held in a dance studio. The first time we got there, we were just waiting to go into our class when the previous class let out: a class full of 7-9-year-old ballerinas, in costume, preparing for their recital. Your eyes just about burst out of your head. “Mama, are we going in there?” You looked as if I had brought you to the most wonderful place in the world. Ballerinas! Right in front of you! I can’t wait for Dada to get a job so I can enroll you in an actual ballerina class. In the meantime, you thoroughly enjoyed Salsa dancing as a substitute.
In a move that heartily pleases your dad, you are becoming very interested in science shows. We found a CD/DVD set at the library called “Here Comes Science!” by TMBG, and you are very into it. You also asked for Bill Nye (the Science Guy) by name about a week ago, which pretty much made your dad’s entire year. He is very determined that you should not shun science or math just because you’re a girl, and he’s thrilled that you have an interest. You have a great memory, too, so you’re actually learning some useful stuff while you watch.
Conversely, you have picked up an interesting phrase somewhere along the way that troubles me a bit. Every once in a while, you will say, “That’s only for boys,” or “That’s only for girls.” Even more intriguing – there’s no clear pattern in the activities you’re assigning to boys and girls; i.e. you have not declared that dolls and tea parties are for girls and trucks and dinosaurs are for boys. I gently correct you each time and say that girls and boys can all do the same things, but actually I think what I should be doing is listening instead of talking. A few days ago, we were all having breakfast together. For beverages, you and I were having a smoothie, and Dada was having a protein shake. You observed that my cup didn’t have a lid on it, and your cup didn’t have a lid on it, but Dada’s cup did. And then concluded, “So boys like to have cups with lids, and girls like to have cups without lids.” It’s clear to me that you are working to sort out your world and make sense of what you see around you. Maybe I don’t need to leap so quickly to contradict your observations.
I’ve written so much this month, Gwen, and I guess that’s a reflection of how much I am enjoying this stage with you. It seems that with each passing year, you just get better and better. I’m so glad I’m your Mama, and I love you a million, billion, kajillion and three!
Love,Mama
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
Yes and Yes
Yes, Chris passed the SOPAT. He is now at Stage Four of the 7-stage process. The first three stages have taken six weeks - no word yet on when the next stage (interviews and questionnaires) will take place.
Yes, Gwen had a better day at daycare after the Magical Ballerina Fairy Princesspropaganda bedtime story. I think giving her a strategy for when she is not feeling sociable was really helpful. Now whenever we see her about to blow, we offer a cuddle with Lambie as an alternative. I especially like that she is seeking comfort from herself and an inanimate object, rather than getting attention from an adult.
Thanks to all of you who left kind and encouraging comments, and sent positive vibes our way!
Yes, Gwen had a better day at daycare after the Magical Ballerina Fairy Princess
Thanks to all of you who left kind and encouraging comments, and sent positive vibes our way!
Thursday, May 26, 2011
Kind and Gentle
Yesterday when Chris picked Gwen up from her caregiver's house, he was told that Gwen's behaviour had been significantly bad. He ended up talking with the caregiver for a good fifteen minutes to hear all about Gwen's day, which included:
- not listening/obeying the caregiver
- drawing all over her playmates' pictures even when they asked her to stop
- acting out when her playmates then didn't want to play with her
- grabbing toys away from other children
- LYING DOWN on one of the other kids and not getting up even though the other kid was crying
- running full-tilt into another kid and knocking her down
The caregiver suggested that we emphasize listening to her playmates, in addition to listening to adults. Her behaviour didn't improve at that point: she even hit Chris in the face when he tried to take her out of the car.
I feel worried and discouraged about this, because it's such a struggle to get through to her with her incredibly selective listening skills. Moreover, she has no empathy at all - cognitively, she just doesn't get it. I ask, "Do you think your friend felt sad when you knocked her down?" and she replies, "Yup," with no emotion whatsoever. She truly doesn't grasp that her friend is a person just like she is, and that her emotions are just as valid.
Speaking of Gwen's emotions, she is definitely a turbulent girl and always has been. Lately this takes the form of extreme crying and shrieking fits that she can't come down from. She will be nearly hysterical crying and saying, "Mama, help me calm down!" Her emotions are beyond her control and that scares her, which makes the whole process worse. With my help (she will rarely accept Chris's ... more on that in another post) she will get herself somewhat calmed down for a moment, but immediately breaks down agan. Over and over.
So last night when I tucked Gwen into bed, I told her a special story. This, I have noticed, is one of the few times I can really connect with her and feel that she is really hearing me.
"Once upon a time, there was a little girl ..." and she fills in, "named Gwen!" "She had a grouchy, grumpy day. She didn't play nicely with her friends. She took their drawings and drew on them. She grabbed their toys away from them. Her friends didn't want to play with her because she wasn't kind or gentle with them. She wouldn't listen to them, and she even hurt them."
Gwen's eyes, at this point, were huge and even starting to fill with tears. Her voice was shaky as she said, "Mama, that story was a little bit scary!" It was certainly a different response from our earlier conversation where I'd tried to seek out empathy for her friend's hurt feelings.
"Just wait, Gwen, there's more to the story. Then Gwen came home with her Mama and Dada. She was still grouchy. She wouldn't listen to Mama and Dada. She shouted at them. She wouldn't do as they asked her to. She even hit Dada in the face.
"Then Gwen went to bed. She cuddled up with her bunny and her lambie. She snuggled down under her blankets. And just as she was about to fall asleep, she heard a noise. She opened her eyes to see ... The Magical Ballerina Fairy Princess!"
(This is a character who often makes appearances in our bedtime stories. For example, I have often told the story of how the MBFP gave Gwen her bed, which is magical and helps her have a good sleep and wonderful dreams. The MBFP, she is a MIRACLE WORKER.)
"She was so BEAUTIFUL!" Gwen interjected. Her eyes had lit up as if she really could see the MBFP in her room.
"The Magical Ballerina Fairy Princess said to Gwen, 'I hear you didn't have a very good day today.' And Gwen said, 'No. I was grouchy and angry and mad!' 'Well,' said the Magical Ballerina Fairy Princess, 'I have something very important to tell you. It's always okay for you to feel angry, or grouchy, or mad, or sad, or any way that you feel. But no matter how you feel, you always need to be kind and gentle to your friends, no matter what. And if you don't feel like you can be kind and gentle with your friends, then you need to say, 'I need some alone time,' and cuddle up with your lambie, and calm down until you feel ready to be kind and gentle to everyone.' And Gwen said, 'Okay, Magical Ballerina Fairy Princess, I think I can do that.'
"And then Gwen went to sleep. And the next day, Gwen got up and she was cheerful with her Mama and Dada. And she listened to them and did what they asked her to do. And then she went to daycare and played with her friends. She was kind and gentle with them and her friends were so happy to play with her. They shared toys with each other and played together and had such a fun and wonderful day. Sometimes, Gwen felt mad or angry or sad or upset, and when she did, she said 'I need some alone time,' and she cuddled with her lambie until she felt better.
"Then Gwen came home with Mama and Dada. She listened to them and did what they asked her to do. She was kind and gentle with them. They read stories together and did puzzles and had a yummy dinner. Gwen even got to help make dinner! Everyone had a really nice evening together. THE END."
I told Chris about the phrases and strategies that I had emphasized, and asked him to pass that on to the caregiver so we can be consistent. I don't know yet how successful this will be. Gwen was very responsive during the story, which gives me hope, and this morning I reiterated the concepts and she voluntarily practiced saying "I need some alone time," and removing herself. We'll see how she is at daycare today.
If anyone has any other suggestions or strategies or resources, I'm very open to advice on this topic!
- not listening/obeying the caregiver
- drawing all over her playmates' pictures even when they asked her to stop
- acting out when her playmates then didn't want to play with her
- grabbing toys away from other children
- LYING DOWN on one of the other kids and not getting up even though the other kid was crying
- running full-tilt into another kid and knocking her down
The caregiver suggested that we emphasize listening to her playmates, in addition to listening to adults. Her behaviour didn't improve at that point: she even hit Chris in the face when he tried to take her out of the car.
I feel worried and discouraged about this, because it's such a struggle to get through to her with her incredibly selective listening skills. Moreover, she has no empathy at all - cognitively, she just doesn't get it. I ask, "Do you think your friend felt sad when you knocked her down?" and she replies, "Yup," with no emotion whatsoever. She truly doesn't grasp that her friend is a person just like she is, and that her emotions are just as valid.
Speaking of Gwen's emotions, she is definitely a turbulent girl and always has been. Lately this takes the form of extreme crying and shrieking fits that she can't come down from. She will be nearly hysterical crying and saying, "Mama, help me calm down!" Her emotions are beyond her control and that scares her, which makes the whole process worse. With my help (she will rarely accept Chris's ... more on that in another post) she will get herself somewhat calmed down for a moment, but immediately breaks down agan. Over and over.
So last night when I tucked Gwen into bed, I told her a special story. This, I have noticed, is one of the few times I can really connect with her and feel that she is really hearing me.
"Once upon a time, there was a little girl ..." and she fills in, "named Gwen!" "She had a grouchy, grumpy day. She didn't play nicely with her friends. She took their drawings and drew on them. She grabbed their toys away from them. Her friends didn't want to play with her because she wasn't kind or gentle with them. She wouldn't listen to them, and she even hurt them."
Gwen's eyes, at this point, were huge and even starting to fill with tears. Her voice was shaky as she said, "Mama, that story was a little bit scary!" It was certainly a different response from our earlier conversation where I'd tried to seek out empathy for her friend's hurt feelings.
"Just wait, Gwen, there's more to the story. Then Gwen came home with her Mama and Dada. She was still grouchy. She wouldn't listen to Mama and Dada. She shouted at them. She wouldn't do as they asked her to. She even hit Dada in the face.
"Then Gwen went to bed. She cuddled up with her bunny and her lambie. She snuggled down under her blankets. And just as she was about to fall asleep, she heard a noise. She opened her eyes to see ... The Magical Ballerina Fairy Princess!"
(This is a character who often makes appearances in our bedtime stories. For example, I have often told the story of how the MBFP gave Gwen her bed, which is magical and helps her have a good sleep and wonderful dreams. The MBFP, she is a MIRACLE WORKER.)
"She was so BEAUTIFUL!" Gwen interjected. Her eyes had lit up as if she really could see the MBFP in her room.
"The Magical Ballerina Fairy Princess said to Gwen, 'I hear you didn't have a very good day today.' And Gwen said, 'No. I was grouchy and angry and mad!' 'Well,' said the Magical Ballerina Fairy Princess, 'I have something very important to tell you. It's always okay for you to feel angry, or grouchy, or mad, or sad, or any way that you feel. But no matter how you feel, you always need to be kind and gentle to your friends, no matter what. And if you don't feel like you can be kind and gentle with your friends, then you need to say, 'I need some alone time,' and cuddle up with your lambie, and calm down until you feel ready to be kind and gentle to everyone.' And Gwen said, 'Okay, Magical Ballerina Fairy Princess, I think I can do that.'
"And then Gwen went to sleep. And the next day, Gwen got up and she was cheerful with her Mama and Dada. And she listened to them and did what they asked her to do. And then she went to daycare and played with her friends. She was kind and gentle with them and her friends were so happy to play with her. They shared toys with each other and played together and had such a fun and wonderful day. Sometimes, Gwen felt mad or angry or sad or upset, and when she did, she said 'I need some alone time,' and she cuddled with her lambie until she felt better.
"Then Gwen came home with Mama and Dada. She listened to them and did what they asked her to do. She was kind and gentle with them. They read stories together and did puzzles and had a yummy dinner. Gwen even got to help make dinner! Everyone had a really nice evening together. THE END."
I told Chris about the phrases and strategies that I had emphasized, and asked him to pass that on to the caregiver so we can be consistent. I don't know yet how successful this will be. Gwen was very responsive during the story, which gives me hope, and this morning I reiterated the concepts and she voluntarily practiced saying "I need some alone time," and removing herself. We'll see how she is at daycare today.
If anyone has any other suggestions or strategies or resources, I'm very open to advice on this topic!
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
SOPAT
In January when Chris finished his lengthy career assessment process with SetBC, we learned that the type of work he was most suited for, across all variables, was Military/Law Enforcement. And then I had to go and veto it, because I don’t want him being shipped overseas (Military) or required to relocate every few years (Law Enforcement) or being shot at (both). Guess what? It turns out there's a Military/Law Enforcement job that doesn't require either of these - the Sheriff Department. And this Saturday, Chris will have his chance to complete Step 3 of the 7-step application process to become a new Sheriff recruit.
So you guys, I need a favour.
This Saturday, May 28th, between 12:30 and 3:30, I need you to channel all the positive energy in the Universe onto my husband, who will be completing the SOPAT (Sheriff Officer Physical Abilities Test) that day in Victoria. After successfully completing the test within the allotted time, he will then be asked to move on to the next steps:
- Completion of pre-entry questionnaire which begins the search into your lifestyle
- Panel interview, including lifestyle and integrity questionnaire
- Background check – employment and character reference check
- Medical check
If this process seems intense, well, it is. Sheriffs are important people: they provide security at courthouses and holding cells, and are responsible for safe transport between the two locations. Thanks to the governmental hiring freeze, there is a province-wide shortage of Sheriffs across BC, which has led to some judges refusing to run their courtrooms, since there wasn’t adequate security. While the union and the public pressure are asking for as many as 100 Sheriffs to be hired in BC, there are currently only a handful of postings. One of them is in our hometown.
The combination of a desperate need and a hiring freeze has made the application process rather bumpy, and many of those bumps are not yet ironed out. Moreover, the competition is likely fierce. So like I said - I am asking for every ounce of focussed intensity to wish my man good luck, nerves of steel and boundless energy. After six months of unemployment, he has a real shot at his dream job.
I will keep you all posted on the result!
So you guys, I need a favour.
This Saturday, May 28th, between 12:30 and 3:30, I need you to channel all the positive energy in the Universe onto my husband, who will be completing the SOPAT (Sheriff Officer Physical Abilities Test) that day in Victoria. After successfully completing the test within the allotted time, he will then be asked to move on to the next steps:
- Completion of pre-entry questionnaire which begins the search into your lifestyle
- Panel interview, including lifestyle and integrity questionnaire
- Background check – employment and character reference check
- Medical check
If this process seems intense, well, it is. Sheriffs are important people: they provide security at courthouses and holding cells, and are responsible for safe transport between the two locations. Thanks to the governmental hiring freeze, there is a province-wide shortage of Sheriffs across BC, which has led to some judges refusing to run their courtrooms, since there wasn’t adequate security. While the union and the public pressure are asking for as many as 100 Sheriffs to be hired in BC, there are currently only a handful of postings. One of them is in our hometown.
The combination of a desperate need and a hiring freeze has made the application process rather bumpy, and many of those bumps are not yet ironed out. Moreover, the competition is likely fierce. So like I said - I am asking for every ounce of focussed intensity to wish my man good luck, nerves of steel and boundless energy. After six months of unemployment, he has a real shot at his dream job.
I will keep you all posted on the result!
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