Tuesday, May 13, 2008

A Long Day

Yesterday was one of those days they warn you about in prenatal class.

Got up in the morning to nurse Gwen - we're getting a pretty good morning routine down, where I nurse Gwen for 30-60 minutes and then hand her off to Chris so I can use the washroom, get dressed, get myself breakfast, and so on. While I was nursing a friend called and asked if it was okay to pop in for a short visit as she was coming through town. I enthusiastically said yes as I do enjoy showing off my beautiful daughter. So about 45 minutes later she and her husband arrived, cooed over Gwen, hung around for half an hour or so, then left.

I had about an hour-long break to do laundry, sweep the floor, and nurse Gwen again before my cousin and aunt showed up, visiting from the Mainland. They stayed for three or four hours. It was a wonderful visit and I'm really glad they came, but by the time they left (3:30pm) I was quite exhausted. Just as they headed out the door Sue showed up, ostensibly to drop off a Snugli that they didn't need anymore. She stayed for over an hour.

I don't want to sound ungrateful or antisocial, but that was a long freakin day and neither Gwen nor I weathered it very well.

By this time Chris was home from work, but was stressed out over something unrelated and wasn't really on the scene for helpfulness. By 5:30pm I was stressed to the max, not only from the long day but also from the fact that Lillian was going to come at 6pm for a weigh-in and I was feeling anxious and guilty and worked up about what the scale would say and what Lillian would say about what the scale said. I realized that I was getting myself into a real "damned-if-you-do-damned-if-you-don't mentality" because if Gwen is hungry and I give her breastmilk, I don't know if she's getting enough for that all-important weight gain. But if she's hungry and I give her formula, then she's not getting all the awesome benefits of breastmilk. So basically I spend my day second-guessing myself and getting upset wondering whether I'm doing the right thing.

By 6:30 Lillian had not shown up, Chris was working on dinner, and Gwen was nursing again. (We found out this morning Lillian was at a birth last night and didn't have her phone list, so couldn't call to reschedule.) Chris ate dinner while I nursed Gwen, then I ate while Chris fingerfed and soothed Gwen. Then I took her upstairs to change her, and it all went straight to hell.

When I tried putting a nightgown on her, Gwen started screaming - not crying, but screaming - in hysteria, making noises that absolutely broke my heart. To me it sounded like either terror or pain. It took 25 minutes to get her calm again (thank God for the cuddle cure, it REALLY WORKS), and then I nursed her again, and obviously somewhere in there Chris decided that Iaido class was not in the works for him this evening since both his wife and daughter were at the end of their respective ropes.

After that she nursed for about 2 hours, and then she slept for four, and I don't really care what time she wakes up to nurse after she lets me sleep for four hours, so everything was okay again. But ... oy. No more days like that, please?


Anonymous said...

*hugs* If you are not too busy or have too many plans this weekend (May long) would you be up for a visit and some homecooking on the Sunday? Let me know and I will firm up plans with you later in the week. Or Saturday if you don't want to commit:)

Amberism said...

Now I need to know what the cuddle cure is...

Days like that are hard. Really hard. Especially when our monkey minds get out of control. I'm glad you got your four hours, at least, and that the day is OVER.


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