Yesterday, about 15 seconds after I typed "Laura is wondering where the heck Spring is?!?" into my Facebook status, the sun finally came out and the clouds burned off and ten minutes later Gwen and I were out for a long, long walk.
I knew I was taking a risk because we left at 1:30pm, and she hadn't eaten since about noon. But I couldn't stand being cooped up anymore, I was desperate to get out and the sun was the final straw!
I put her in the stroller and went first to Save on Foods to pick up a few things, then to Dollarama, and then down to my church to drop off some Thank You cards. By the time we got there it was nearly 3pm, and Gwen was awake though not quite fussing yet. I surveyed my options and made a decision: I would walk across the street to the Crisis Clinic, not because I was in crisis but because it's a VIHA mental health site and thus I know everyone there. I could go in for the ostensible purpose of showing off my daughter, and then when she started to fuss I could ask if there was a counselling room free for me to nurse her.
Lorraine, the admin there, was of course thrilled to see us, and suggested that I could nurse in the staff room (which is incredibly comfy, outfitted with several couches and living room chairs). I ended up nursing Gwen there for over an hour - first on one side, then on the other side, then back to the first side, with brief breaks in between for the admiring staff to cuddle her and remark on how big and strong she is, and how much hair she has, and how perfectly lovely she is.
And meanwhile, I nursed and nursed and nursed in a staff room while people I know only peripherally came and went. I have come a long way in the past three weeks. In reality, though, I just happened to learn the lesson that I'm sure all mothers learn sooner or later: when your child is hungry, you do what you need to do, no matter where you are or who might be looking at you sideways.