Gwen tends towards nightmares. They seem to come in waves: she'll have a bad couple of weeks, and then get past it, and be fine for a few months. We had one of these bad waves, oh, say mid-to-late August? All sorts of extra bedtime rituals are implemented at this time: I huff and puff and blow all the bad dreams away, I spray "good dream spray" (lavender-scented pillow mist) on her pillow, she uses her handheld "Buddy" nightlight, etc. And now that she is a big girl in a big bed, another nightmare-related ritual has begun: the exodus of our child from her own room and into ours.
Her nightmares probably lasted about a week, and she was in and out of our bed one to three times per night during that week. Then the nightmares ended ... but the nighttime visits continued. It seems she has established the habit of crawling into our bed several times an evening, and just because she is no longer abjectly terrified of some indescribable Scooby-Doo related phantom, doesn't mean she should discontinue her midnight socializing, right?
(Aside: When your child comes home from daycare and out of the blue tells you in the saddest voice ever, "We watched Scooby Doo today. That means I'm going to have scary dreams,"? YOUR HEART BREAKS.)
To give you an example of how fun our evenings have been lately: last Thursday, Gwen came into our bed sometime between 10 and midnight. She threatened to have a fit if she were returned to her own bed, so Chris actually volunteered to go sleep on the couch and allowed Gwen to stay in our bed with me. The next night, Gwen visited again around the same time. After Chris attempted, unsuccessfully, to return her from whence she came, *I* went and slept in Gwen's room, and she and Chris shared the big bed. Even on nights when we do manage to get her back to her room, she is often up again around 3am and then up for the day between 5 and 6. It's a good thing neither of us stay home with her during the day, because we are exhausted and so is our patience.
Last night I arrived home around 10pm after visiting with a friend. Chris told me he'd already had to intervene a couple of times to get Gwen to stay in bed, but that she was now asleep. We chatted for a bit and then I headed up to bed. Seeing Gwen's door ajar, I took the opportunity to peek in and bask in how adorable she is when she's asleep. Except ... wait, where ... is that ... no, that's just a ... hmm.
Where is she??
Sure enough, she was in our room. Scamp had crept quietly out of her own room ("It must have been while I was on the phone," said Chris) and snuggled herself down into our bed. I felt equal parts admiration, annoyance, and disappointment: What, all these midnight trips to our bed weren't about US? She just wanted our BED?? Conversation the next morning revealed she was fully aware of her subterfuge. "I sneaked!" she told us proudly. "Daddy didn't come upstairs." Ooooh, the scamp. Too smart for her own good. DEFINITELY too smart for me.
Showing posts with label sleep training. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sleep training. Show all posts
Monday, September 12, 2011
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
It Seems Like I'm Rambling, But There is a Point, I Promise
First of all, thanks to everyone who emailed or commented on my last post. Every single comment was helpful and encouraging and had at least one (and often many) very useful nuggets of advice. So my gratitude and appreciation to all of you for taking the time to drop me a line.
My intention was that Chris and I would spend last weekend looking at all the emails and deciding which method(s) we felt comfortable implementing. However, this never happened. Instead of being deep in the trenches of potty training, we are in fact back in the bad old days of sleep training.
You never pay attention to the first time something goes wrong, really. You don't mark it on the calendar in some kind of prescient knowledge that "I'm going to want to know when it all started to go sideways." No, you just think it's a one-off. And then it happens a couple more times and you think, hmm, this is an odd little phase we're going through. And then it happens a few more times and a few more times and slowly you begin to realize that hey, this has been going on more or less constantly for ... let's see ... three or four weeks? And if "this" happens to be the house-wide sleep-deprivation thanks to a child who will not stay in her bed past 6am, you can be forgiven for the braindeath that means it takes you even longer to realize this is no longer an isolated incident or even a phase, it's your new Way of Life.
So yes. Gwen now gets out of bed anytime between 4:45am and 6am. For the record, our alarm is set to go off at 7:15am, so even on a good day we are being cheated out of a solid hour of sleep. Even worse, because Gwen doesn't always nap on weekends, she is being cheated out of 2-4 hours of sleep herself. Make no mistake: this is not an adjustment due to her being old enough to give up her nap, nor is it a matter of her waking up early and quietly entertaining herself in her room. She is miserable and demanding throughout the day as the missed sleep takes her toll: a friend even commented that Gwen had bags under her eyes and looked exhausted. And she often wakes up crying in a near-hysteria, whimpering in a panicky voice "Turn on the light! I'm awake! Turn on the light!" which doesn't leave her in a state that lends itself to being soothed back to sleep. I've asked her whether she's having bad dreams or if she's scared, but she tells me no - I can only guess that she just doesn't have the emotional vocabulary to articulate what's going on for her.
Chris and I, meanwhile, are zombies. At any moment through the day when we are not directly dealing with a grumpy Gwen - those moments when we should be cooking, cleaning, and taking care of the myriad details of life, not to mention doing things we enjoy or spending quality time together - we are COMPLETELY drained. We have no energy to do anything but sit on the couch and stare into space. We've become incapable of even the most mundane conversation.
So, not a lot of progress on deciding how or when to proceed with potty training.
I may have mentioned here in the past that Gwen's newborn phase was less than blissful. The way I remember it is that Gwen was either screaming, nursing, or sleeping for every single minute of her first five months of life. Somehow, we all survived and Chris and I stayed married. (Miracles DO happen!) One of the ways we dealt with the exhaustion and frustration of this time - I can't even remember how it started - was to talk about going to Vegas. Not in the sense that we spent time daydreaming about a fantasy vacation: no, neither of us actually had any real interest in going there. No, it was in the context of: "I've been nursing her for two solid hours and she won't stop screaming. It's your turn, I'm going to Vegas." Or, "Holy crap, I did not get any sleep at all last night. You need to deal with Gwen, I'm going to Vegas." It was constant. Like I said, I don't remember how it started or where it came from (I would theorize it was a timely viewing of Ocean's Eleven, but really, I doubt we had any attention span for movies at that point.)
But here's the payoff to this long rambling post. This weekend - in fact, TODAY - I am going to Vegas. For realz. With my mom and sister. And Chris is staying home with a daughter who will not sleep and now has the ability to get out of bed and bang on the door at 5am to demand that he get up and entertain her. If my husband stays married to me after this, it really will be a miracle.
My intention was that Chris and I would spend last weekend looking at all the emails and deciding which method(s) we felt comfortable implementing. However, this never happened. Instead of being deep in the trenches of potty training, we are in fact back in the bad old days of sleep training.
You never pay attention to the first time something goes wrong, really. You don't mark it on the calendar in some kind of prescient knowledge that "I'm going to want to know when it all started to go sideways." No, you just think it's a one-off. And then it happens a couple more times and you think, hmm, this is an odd little phase we're going through. And then it happens a few more times and a few more times and slowly you begin to realize that hey, this has been going on more or less constantly for ... let's see ... three or four weeks? And if "this" happens to be the house-wide sleep-deprivation thanks to a child who will not stay in her bed past 6am, you can be forgiven for the braindeath that means it takes you even longer to realize this is no longer an isolated incident or even a phase, it's your new Way of Life.
So yes. Gwen now gets out of bed anytime between 4:45am and 6am. For the record, our alarm is set to go off at 7:15am, so even on a good day we are being cheated out of a solid hour of sleep. Even worse, because Gwen doesn't always nap on weekends, she is being cheated out of 2-4 hours of sleep herself. Make no mistake: this is not an adjustment due to her being old enough to give up her nap, nor is it a matter of her waking up early and quietly entertaining herself in her room. She is miserable and demanding throughout the day as the missed sleep takes her toll: a friend even commented that Gwen had bags under her eyes and looked exhausted. And she often wakes up crying in a near-hysteria, whimpering in a panicky voice "Turn on the light! I'm awake! Turn on the light!" which doesn't leave her in a state that lends itself to being soothed back to sleep. I've asked her whether she's having bad dreams or if she's scared, but she tells me no - I can only guess that she just doesn't have the emotional vocabulary to articulate what's going on for her.
Chris and I, meanwhile, are zombies. At any moment through the day when we are not directly dealing with a grumpy Gwen - those moments when we should be cooking, cleaning, and taking care of the myriad details of life, not to mention doing things we enjoy or spending quality time together - we are COMPLETELY drained. We have no energy to do anything but sit on the couch and stare into space. We've become incapable of even the most mundane conversation.
So, not a lot of progress on deciding how or when to proceed with potty training.
I may have mentioned here in the past that Gwen's newborn phase was less than blissful. The way I remember it is that Gwen was either screaming, nursing, or sleeping for every single minute of her first five months of life. Somehow, we all survived and Chris and I stayed married. (Miracles DO happen!) One of the ways we dealt with the exhaustion and frustration of this time - I can't even remember how it started - was to talk about going to Vegas. Not in the sense that we spent time daydreaming about a fantasy vacation: no, neither of us actually had any real interest in going there. No, it was in the context of: "I've been nursing her for two solid hours and she won't stop screaming. It's your turn, I'm going to Vegas." Or, "Holy crap, I did not get any sleep at all last night. You need to deal with Gwen, I'm going to Vegas." It was constant. Like I said, I don't remember how it started or where it came from (I would theorize it was a timely viewing of Ocean's Eleven, but really, I doubt we had any attention span for movies at that point.)
But here's the payoff to this long rambling post. This weekend - in fact, TODAY - I am going to Vegas. For realz. With my mom and sister. And Chris is staying home with a daughter who will not sleep and now has the ability to get out of bed and bang on the door at 5am to demand that he get up and entertain her. If my husband stays married to me after this, it really will be a miracle.
Monday, June 7, 2010
"I Sleep This Door*": More about Travel and Sleep
* The title is taken from one of the two phrases Gwen says repeatedly during her bedtime protests: "I'm awake," and "I sleep this door." "I'm awake," is obvious in its meaning. I'm awake, so why are you blathering on about sleep and trying to get me to lie down? I'm awake! "I sleep this door," is a little bit more obscure, and I've tried to get her to explain what it means to no avail. But I think what it means is that she doesn't want to be left in the room alone, she wants to go out of "this door" and hang out with the big people. The ones who, like her, are awake.
The reason we chose to do sleep training with Gwen when she was only 7 months old was simple: I didn't want her to be able to stand up in the crib and shriek, "MAAAAMMMMMAAAA!" when I left her there to learn to fall asleep on her own.
Let me dig into this tangent for a second. That is what sleep training, in any form, really is: assisting your child in learning how to fall asleep without your help. That's the objective view, at least. From the child's point of view, of course, you are heartlessly abandoning them and will NEVER LOVE THEM AGAIN.
There is a school of thought that allowing babies to cry themselves to sleep will cause brain damage. I am not here to rule on whether or not this is accurate. What I will say is that the intensity and the length of time for which Gwen cried (at seven months old) prior to falling asleep, was acceptable to us, her parents, as safe and non-damaging. We do not believe that her emotional state or her physical brain were harmed in this process. NOTE: this does NOT mean it was easy to listen to her cry, just that we believe she was safe while doing so.
We also followed the philosophy of Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child
by Marc Weissbluth, M.D., who compared the crying of a child learning to fall asleep without assistance is similar to the crying of a child upset because his mother won't let him climb up on dangerous playground equipment. It's protest crying. And just as we don't let Gwen do things that are dangerous, no matter how she cries or fights or fusses, we don't let her compromise her sleep simply because we are unable to withstand her protests. Dr. Weissbluth also brings forward many valuable points about just how important sleep is to productive learning and later success in life, concluding that not doing whatever it takes to get your child a good night's sleep is just as dangerous and neglectful as letting him climb that jungle gym.
So. We did sleep training, and it was a resounding success. And then this trip came along, this trip where Gwen could climb out of her playpen and suddenly my strategies of just leaving her alone until she was ready to go to sleep were totally null and void. And I had vowed before going on this trip that I was not going to stress about her sleep, so I didn't. If she didn't want to go to bed, she didn't. I wasn't going spend two hours arguing with her about it.
The reason we chose to do sleep training with Gwen when she was only 7 months old was simple: I didn't want her to be able to stand up in the crib and shriek, "MAAAAMMMMMAAAA!" when I left her there to learn to fall asleep on her own.
Let me dig into this tangent for a second. That is what sleep training, in any form, really is: assisting your child in learning how to fall asleep without your help. That's the objective view, at least. From the child's point of view, of course, you are heartlessly abandoning them and will NEVER LOVE THEM AGAIN.
There is a school of thought that allowing babies to cry themselves to sleep will cause brain damage. I am not here to rule on whether or not this is accurate. What I will say is that the intensity and the length of time for which Gwen cried (at seven months old) prior to falling asleep, was acceptable to us, her parents, as safe and non-damaging. We do not believe that her emotional state or her physical brain were harmed in this process. NOTE: this does NOT mean it was easy to listen to her cry, just that we believe she was safe while doing so.
We also followed the philosophy of Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child
by Marc Weissbluth, M.D., who compared the crying of a child learning to fall asleep without assistance is similar to the crying of a child upset because his mother won't let him climb up on dangerous playground equipment. It's protest crying. And just as we don't let Gwen do things that are dangerous, no matter how she cries or fights or fusses, we don't let her compromise her sleep simply because we are unable to withstand her protests. Dr. Weissbluth also brings forward many valuable points about just how important sleep is to productive learning and later success in life, concluding that not doing whatever it takes to get your child a good night's sleep is just as dangerous and neglectful as letting him climb that jungle gym.So. We did sleep training, and it was a resounding success. And then this trip came along, this trip where Gwen could climb out of her playpen and suddenly my strategies of just leaving her alone until she was ready to go to sleep were totally null and void. And I had vowed before going on this trip that I was not going to stress about her sleep, so I didn't. If she didn't want to go to bed, she didn't. I wasn't going spend two hours arguing with her about it.
Which brings me back to: there's a reason why we did sleep training when she was a baby. Because now? Now that we are back home and trying to get into a routine and she's had a week or so of staying up late, watching TV before bed, and snuggling with Mama? Now she argues about it. And it is INCREDIBLY hard not to get drawn into it, because she's a very smart little girl, and I'm a patient and compassionate Mama, and I want her to go to bed but I also want her to feel GOOD about going to bed, and that means that I want her to understand what's going on and participate in it voluntarily.
The fact that she can speak full sentences tricks me, without even realizing it, into expecting her to be a reasonable, rational person, and as a result I treat her that way. If a rational, reasonable person were crying and begging me not to leave, well, I would not leave. I would stay and help them through whatever they needed help with, in whatever way possible. But Gwen, despite her language proficiency, is NOT a rational and reasonable person. She lacks the self-awareness to say, as anyone else would, "Okay, I'm feeling better now. Thanks for the hugs. I'm really tired, so I think I'll go to bed." And as much as I'd love to believe Gwen is capable of self-regulating like that, she really is not. The second half of our holiday proved that in a very loud and emphatic way.
We've been back from our trip for a full week now and we are still having some real struggles at bedtime. And it kills me, it really does. I have had to work to pry her limbs off my head, where she has wrapped herself like some kind of face-sucking alien. And let me tell you, that girl is strong. But it's not the physical battles, it's the emotional ones. All she wants is for me to lie down with her until she falls asleep. (Is that so wrong?) And some nights, the only reason I don't do that is because I don't want her to get used to it. It's like the mentality that makes us go to the gym and work out so that we will look good in our exercise clothes when we're at the gym. Whafuh? It's a cruel joke that kids are too young to grasp the concept of "sometimes", as in, sometimes Mama will snuggle with you, and sometimes she won't, but either way THE WORLD WILL NOT END.
I guess if she were a rational, reasonable person, she would know that already.
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
Return from Circle Tour
Hello! We (meaning Gwen and I) are back from our 10-day circle tour. I could easily blather on for a thousand words or so about who we saw, and what we did, and a million other details. But I'm betting that won't be interesting for anyone. So here is a summary:
Awesome things:
I loved spending time with lots of family and friends that I hadn't seen in a long time. The pinnacle example of this was seeing Ryan and Tasha, friends I graduated with and ... kind of haven't seen since. (Actually, I saw Ryan once at our 10 year reunion, but that was 7 years ago and all I remember from that encounter was his repeated - and wholly justified - mocking of the crappy band hired for the event.) As a bonus, Ryan and Tasha have a brand new baby girl, and I got to hold her! Score one for me!
I also got to connect with friends who were sort of on my outer circle prior to this trip. To be blunt: they were mostly my ex-husband's friends. But they invited Gwen and I over for a morning, and now they are OUR friends too. That felt really good. Added bonus: four-month-old baby! I totally got to hold her too! Value-added bonus: Gwen got along really well with their older son and there was a hilarious moment when the two toddlers decided they didn't want us mommies in their space and pushed us out of the bedroom. So yeah, my daughter was alone in a bedroom with a boy. Didn't think THAT would happen for a few years yet, haha! Super-duper added bonus: they are moving to the Island soon! Lucky Gwen, she won't have to worry about the challenges of a long-distance relationship.
I was also really impressed by Gwen's cousins' behaviour towards and treatment of her. Andrew (7) and Scotty (nearly 4) are now old enough to realize that Gwen is smaller and less hardy than they are, and they treated her accordingly. Many, many times throughout my stay at their house, one or both of the boys was watching/taking care of Gwen for a few minutes while I had a shower, packed the suitcase, got lunch ready, etc. It was a real treat.
One day, I took Gwen to the mall, intending to buy a sunhat for myself. I ended up buying a few other things in the process as well. Gwen was in the stroller for about an hour all told, while I wheeled her around and tried on clothes. Somehow, she tolerated this. I know some grown people who have difficulty with this kind of errand. Actually, come to think of it, I'm one of them - so it's really kind of mind-blowing that she behaved as well as she did.
Awesome things:
I loved spending time with lots of family and friends that I hadn't seen in a long time. The pinnacle example of this was seeing Ryan and Tasha, friends I graduated with and ... kind of haven't seen since. (Actually, I saw Ryan once at our 10 year reunion, but that was 7 years ago and all I remember from that encounter was his repeated - and wholly justified - mocking of the crappy band hired for the event.) As a bonus, Ryan and Tasha have a brand new baby girl, and I got to hold her! Score one for me!
I also got to connect with friends who were sort of on my outer circle prior to this trip. To be blunt: they were mostly my ex-husband's friends. But they invited Gwen and I over for a morning, and now they are OUR friends too. That felt really good. Added bonus: four-month-old baby! I totally got to hold her too! Value-added bonus: Gwen got along really well with their older son and there was a hilarious moment when the two toddlers decided they didn't want us mommies in their space and pushed us out of the bedroom. So yeah, my daughter was alone in a bedroom with a boy. Didn't think THAT would happen for a few years yet, haha! Super-duper added bonus: they are moving to the Island soon! Lucky Gwen, she won't have to worry about the challenges of a long-distance relationship.
I was also really impressed by Gwen's cousins' behaviour towards and treatment of her. Andrew (7) and Scotty (nearly 4) are now old enough to realize that Gwen is smaller and less hardy than they are, and they treated her accordingly. Many, many times throughout my stay at their house, one or both of the boys was watching/taking care of Gwen for a few minutes while I had a shower, packed the suitcase, got lunch ready, etc. It was a real treat.
One day, I took Gwen to the mall, intending to buy a sunhat for myself. I ended up buying a few other things in the process as well. Gwen was in the stroller for about an hour all told, while I wheeled her around and tried on clothes. Somehow, she tolerated this. I know some grown people who have difficulty with this kind of errand. Actually, come to think of it, I'm one of them - so it's really kind of mind-blowing that she behaved as well as she did.
Sidenote: upon exiting the mall, it was POURING rain. Raining so hard that it was bouncing back up off the pavement. Raining so hard that Gwen said, "Mama, it's raining bubbles." And I couldn't remember EXACTLY where I'd left the car. And Gwen and I were both in summery clothes and she was in the stroller and by the time I found the car her pants were as wet as if they'd just come out of the washer, and my feet were sloshing in my sandals. I just kept laughing and laughing. I thought it was too over the top hilarious. I said to Gwen, "I just can't believe it!" and she echoed me back, which made me laugh even harder.
Sidesidenote: since buying that sunhat, we actually haven't seen the sun a single time. Bite me, WEATHER.
The less-than-awesome:
Gwen is ... kind of a lot to handle. And while I am very used to her antics, setting her against the backdrop of other places and other people really sharply accentuates that she is a 30-pound bundle of CRAZY. Nowhere was this more evident than at the beautiful, pages-of-a-magazine home of two of our friends, where Gwen rapidly unfurled half a roll of toilet paper into the toilet, the resolution of which required a plunger. Um. Yes. That would be MY kid.
The night before we left on our trip, you may recall, Gwen stayed over at her Gramma and Grandpa's. It was discovered on that night that Gwen can now climb out of the playpen. Did this have an impact on our trip? OH HO HO. If by "impact" you mean "her sleep got worse and worse as the trip went on and by the end of the trip, "bedtime" was at 10pm and came with ~20 minutes of HARDCORE screaming before finally crashing, usually SIDEWAYS in MY BED" then yes, I'd say there was an impact.
(At home, Gwen sleeps in a toddler bed. She only uses a playpen while travelling, or at Gramma's, or at daycare. And when she's at home in her room, if she decides she's not quite ready to go to sleep, I have no problem with her getting out of bed and wandering around the perfectly safe and free-from-breakable-objects room. But when staying in other people's houses? Those rooms do not generally meet the criteria for toddler-wandering. And thus, she needs to stay in her playpen. And with that era at an end, the sleep was also at an end.)
Gwen's behaviour and mood deteriorated accordingly. Which reminds me: if you happened to be on the 12:10pm ferry from PR to Comox this past Monday, and got to witness Gwen's ear-splitting, body-flinging temper tantrums in the cafeteria? I'm really sorry. I don't even know what she was upset about. I hope the shrieking didn't impact on your enjoyment of the ferry food.She missed her nap most days, and anywhere between one and three hours of her typical 12-hour nighttime sleep. That's like a third of her daily sleep. If you missed a third of YOUR sleep for 5 days or so, you'd be a bitch, too. So I understand why it happened. It still sucked to be a part of it.
Also (Beware, Grandpa George and other delicate readers): The fucking weather can GO FUCK ITSELF RIGHT IN THE EAR. Remember how I mentioned above that we haven't seen the sun since that nasty rainstorm on the way out of the mall? It's true. And that was halfway through our holiday. Ten-day holiday with a toddler? Potentially fun. Ten-day holiday with a toddler who isn't sleeping? Kind of dodgy. Ten-day holiday with a toddler who isn't sleeping and hasn't been outside for three days? FUCK THIS NOISE.
There are two parts of this that irritate me. One is that I have once again been catapulted back into the pre-sleep-training days where I can't answer any question - How are you, what's new, how was your trip - without relating in some significant way to Gwen's sleep. I hated that then and I hated it now - I despise being so one-dimensional.
The other part that irritates me is that after a good night's sleep at home on Monday and a solid nap at daycare on Tuesday, Gwen transformed into an entirely different child. I came home Tuesday afternoon to a cheerful, articulate, charming and good-natured little girl. THIS is the child I wanted to go on holiday with. THIS is the child I wanted to show off to my friends and family. I missed this little girl A LOT.
So yeah, we're home. I have to charge the camera battery in order to get the pictures off. I have to keep working with Gwen to get her sleep schedule back to normal. I have to catch up on all the stuff that happened while I was gone. I have to reflect on the trip and figure out how to do it better next time.
It's good to be home.
Monday, November 2, 2009
The Sleep
We have had a really rough time with Gwen's sleep lately. The roughest it's been since before sleep training (which was just about a year ago now).
It seemed to be a combination of separation anxiety (which peaks around eighteen months of age) and the nasty cough she has been suffering since that throat infection a few weeks ago. Since our sleep training, our routine has ended with us putting her into her crib, saying goodnight, and walking out of the room. Gwen would then play with her books (we always left some on the shelf within her reach) for about 20 minutes and then lie down and go to sleep. Suddenly, when we approached the crib at bedtime, she would cling fiercely to us with all four limbs, sometimes even using our waistbands as footholds and attempting to climb up our bodies away from the crib.
If we did manage to disentangle ourselves and get her into the crib, walking away and reaching for the doorknob to exit the room earned us blood-curdling shrieks. Gwen has always been well able to express her displeasure, but this was a new kind of screaming, a scream that reached the next level. A scream to make your ears ring. A scream to make your heart break. A scream that made you turn around, walk back to the crib, pick up that child and swear that you would do whatever it took to not ever have to hear that scream again.
One night, Chris "slept" on the floor of Gwen's room. More than once, in fact more often than I can actually recall, I got into Gwen's crib with her. The two more comfortable alternatives - comfortable for us, at least - were to have Gwen sleep in our bed with either or both of us, or to have her sleep on the floor with us. She would not tolerate either. She wanted to be in her crib, but she wanted us right there with her.
It seemed to be a combination of separation anxiety (which peaks around eighteen months of age) and the nasty cough she has been suffering since that throat infection a few weeks ago. Since our sleep training, our routine has ended with us putting her into her crib, saying goodnight, and walking out of the room. Gwen would then play with her books (we always left some on the shelf within her reach) for about 20 minutes and then lie down and go to sleep. Suddenly, when we approached the crib at bedtime, she would cling fiercely to us with all four limbs, sometimes even using our waistbands as footholds and attempting to climb up our bodies away from the crib.
If we did manage to disentangle ourselves and get her into the crib, walking away and reaching for the doorknob to exit the room earned us blood-curdling shrieks. Gwen has always been well able to express her displeasure, but this was a new kind of screaming, a scream that reached the next level. A scream to make your ears ring. A scream to make your heart break. A scream that made you turn around, walk back to the crib, pick up that child and swear that you would do whatever it took to not ever have to hear that scream again.
One night, Chris "slept" on the floor of Gwen's room. More than once, in fact more often than I can actually recall, I got into Gwen's crib with her. The two more comfortable alternatives - comfortable for us, at least - were to have Gwen sleep in our bed with either or both of us, or to have her sleep on the floor with us. She would not tolerate either. She wanted to be in her crib, but she wanted us right there with her.
(This photo is a re-enactment to prove that yes, I can fit in a crib. This picture was taken in the middle of the day, faraway from any actual required sleep time, and was taken several days after Gwen stopped demanding that I get into the crib with her in order for her to go to sleep. Had this been an actual Nighttime Crib Sharing Experience, she would be in pajamas, she would be curled up on my chest, and it would be so dark you wouldn't be able to see any of that.)
Thanks to the lovely cushioned headboard that came with the crib bedding my mom bought for Gwen, getting into Gwen's crib wasn't actually that uncomfortable. I'd be in the same position as shown above, except Gwen would be facing the other way, snuggled into my chest. I would sit there with my back against the cushion for 10-15 minutes (I'm not sure, there's no clock in her room) and then start easing us both into a lying-down position. Once I got her lying down I'd try to move away so I wasn't touching her, but if she started crying or whimpering I'd move back. After not touching her for a few minutes, I'd start working on getting out of the crib. Once I made it out of the crib, I'd crawl out of the room on hands and knees towards the door. That way, when I opened the door and a small amount of light came into the room, she wouldn't see my leaving figure silhouetted there unless she stood up. And if she stood up, well, the jig was up and I'd have to start over again anyway.
So yeah, those were fun nights.
***
There was originally another 400 words on the end of this post, all about how we were past the worst of it and how the addition of a blanket and a giant cow seemed to have Saved the Day Night. But then? Gwen got up at 12:45am and we were all awake for the next two hours. I eventually got to sleep in my own bed - Chris was not so lucky, spending the night on the floor of Gwen's room once again. So perhaps I should not be so hasty with the celebrations and lauding the giant cow.
Stay tuned.
Thursday, March 26, 2009
Naptime Intervention: So Far, So Good
Phase One - delay naptime until afternoon - complete.
Phase Two - Gwen actually falling asleep at new naptime - complete.
Phase Three - Gwen sleeping for more than an hour - complete (going on two hours now).
Watch for bulletins on Phase Four, Gwen acting like a human being for the rest of the day, and Phase Five, going to bed at 7pm.
Final Phase, Gwen sleeping past 6:30am for the love of all that is holy, will be available tomorrow. We hope.
Phase Two - Gwen actually falling asleep at new naptime - complete.
Phase Three - Gwen sleeping for more than an hour - complete (going on two hours now).
Watch for bulletins on Phase Four, Gwen acting like a human being for the rest of the day, and Phase Five, going to bed at 7pm.
Final Phase, Gwen sleeping past 6:30am for the love of all that is holy, will be available tomorrow. We hope.
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Naptime Intervention
On Monday morning, Gwen woke up at 6am.
On Tuesday morning, Gwen woke up at 6am.
On Wednesday morning - today - Gwen woke up at 5:30am.
Well, that's enough of that, isn't it?
There are two main avenues to dealing with this (well, three, if you count industrial-sized earplugs and a slug of brandy): either we adjust her bedtime or we adjust her naptime.
Thus, only a few days after writing that her nap schedule is good and solid and doesn't need any intervention, I'm intervening. I really don't want to change her bedtime if we can avoid it. Those evening hours are vital for Chris and I to recharge, to connect, and to Get Things Done. Just the idea of her staying up for another hour makes me want to curl up and whimper. It'll be fine when she's a bit more self-sufficient - when she can at least entertain herself, for Pete's sake - but for now, no.
So, naptime it is. On both Tuesday and Wednesday, she napped for over 3 hours, and on Monday, it was over 2.5. On each of those three days, she declined to take a second nap, and who can blame her? Three hours of midday sleep is entirely adequate. I was a little worried about how she'd deal with the long stretch between waking after the so-called "first" nap, around noon, and bedtime, around 7pm. But she has done fine.
I had these preconceived notions that if she was to have only one nap, it should be in the afternoon, not at 9:00am (if she wakes up at 6, she's down for a nap by 9). I even examined these assumptions to make sure I actually had some reason and logic behind them rather than just blindly following protocol. Admittedly, protocol is the start, because after my in-depth search for daycare last month I heard over and over and over about every daycare's daily routine, which invariably included "...then lunch, and then naptime." I reasoned that her current nap schedule often prevents us from eating lunch until 1 or 2pm, and that eating at noon and then napping afterwards does make more sense.
Furthermore, assuming she can be awake for six or seven continuous hours - which, wow - they may as well be the ones for which interesting things are happening. For now, this includes playdates, swim sessions, library story time, Strong Start, etc. In a few weeks, such a schedule will match up well with the other kids at her daycare.
So, she's been getting about 11 hours of sleep a night plus 3-4 hours of naptime. The hope is that if we eliminate the second nap altogether, and possibly set a limit to the naptime if necessary, she'll sleep longer at night. According to my sleep Bible, The No-Cry Sleep Solution, kids this age still need about 12 hours at night as well as 2-3 hours during the day.
I'm going to try delaying her naptime tomorrow until after lunch - a three-hour change. Dramatic, yes, but she coped fine this afternoon with no sleep between 1:30 and 7pm, so I'm optimistic.
Overall I know we're pretty spoiled. Plenty of parents are still dealing with night wakings, and we encounter them so rarely that when they do occur, we look at each other in confusion, like "....um ... do you remember how we're supposed to handle this?" On the flip side, though, it's one thing to sleep for a few hours, then get up and feed/soothe a baby for 20 minutes, and then go back to sleep. It's another thing altogether to sleep for a few hours, then get up and feed/soothe a baby, and then start your day. Plus, have I ever mentioned I don't drink coffee?
Wish me luck tomorrow!
On Tuesday morning, Gwen woke up at 6am.
On Wednesday morning - today - Gwen woke up at 5:30am.
Well, that's enough of that, isn't it?
There are two main avenues to dealing with this (well, three, if you count industrial-sized earplugs and a slug of brandy): either we adjust her bedtime or we adjust her naptime.
Thus, only a few days after writing that her nap schedule is good and solid and doesn't need any intervention, I'm intervening. I really don't want to change her bedtime if we can avoid it. Those evening hours are vital for Chris and I to recharge, to connect, and to Get Things Done. Just the idea of her staying up for another hour makes me want to curl up and whimper. It'll be fine when she's a bit more self-sufficient - when she can at least entertain herself, for Pete's sake - but for now, no.
So, naptime it is. On both Tuesday and Wednesday, she napped for over 3 hours, and on Monday, it was over 2.5. On each of those three days, she declined to take a second nap, and who can blame her? Three hours of midday sleep is entirely adequate. I was a little worried about how she'd deal with the long stretch between waking after the so-called "first" nap, around noon, and bedtime, around 7pm. But she has done fine.
I had these preconceived notions that if she was to have only one nap, it should be in the afternoon, not at 9:00am (if she wakes up at 6, she's down for a nap by 9). I even examined these assumptions to make sure I actually had some reason and logic behind them rather than just blindly following protocol. Admittedly, protocol is the start, because after my in-depth search for daycare last month I heard over and over and over about every daycare's daily routine, which invariably included "...then lunch, and then naptime." I reasoned that her current nap schedule often prevents us from eating lunch until 1 or 2pm, and that eating at noon and then napping afterwards does make more sense.
Furthermore, assuming she can be awake for six or seven continuous hours - which, wow - they may as well be the ones for which interesting things are happening. For now, this includes playdates, swim sessions, library story time, Strong Start, etc. In a few weeks, such a schedule will match up well with the other kids at her daycare.
So, she's been getting about 11 hours of sleep a night plus 3-4 hours of naptime. The hope is that if we eliminate the second nap altogether, and possibly set a limit to the naptime if necessary, she'll sleep longer at night. According to my sleep Bible, The No-Cry Sleep Solution, kids this age still need about 12 hours at night as well as 2-3 hours during the day.
I'm going to try delaying her naptime tomorrow until after lunch - a three-hour change. Dramatic, yes, but she coped fine this afternoon with no sleep between 1:30 and 7pm, so I'm optimistic.
Overall I know we're pretty spoiled. Plenty of parents are still dealing with night wakings, and we encounter them so rarely that when they do occur, we look at each other in confusion, like "....um ... do you remember how we're supposed to handle this?" On the flip side, though, it's one thing to sleep for a few hours, then get up and feed/soothe a baby for 20 minutes, and then go back to sleep. It's another thing altogether to sleep for a few hours, then get up and feed/soothe a baby, and then start your day. Plus, have I ever mentioned I don't drink coffee?
Wish me luck tomorrow!
Friday, February 6, 2009
In Which I Ramble On For a Few Hundred Words About Only Vaguely Connected Subjects
We have a gate at the bottom of our stairs, but every once in a while I totally gap and forget to close it, and sure enough I find Gwen halfway up the first flight. It's always a forehead-smacking moment (for me, not her). Speaking of head-smacking, though, I've seen her take some fantastic headers while cruising the couch, even landing face-first so dramatically that I was *sure* there would be blood when I picked her up. (There wasn't, though.) And sometimes this makes her scream like a banshee and other times she just shakes it off as if she barely noticed the sudden transition from vertical to horizontal. My point is, I don't know why I bother trying to protect her from the stairs when she does such a terrific job of destroying herself on solid ground.
Things are going well these days. In fact, I would say the past few weeks have been the best since this whole motherhood adventure began. Gwen is sleeping well, which, let's face it, is the key factor in any assessment of life satisfaction. We have found a real groove with our days, heading out to one baby-related activity every weekday, which instead of making me feel rushed makes me feel appropriately non-bored (and Gwen the same, methinks). If I don't get out of the house and have a face-to-face conversation with someone I'm *not* related to at least every second day, I get a little irritable.
As such, we've been going to Strong Start a couple of days a week, and man, I really don't know why I waited so long to check this program out. It's made of everything wonderful: it's free, it's any age from birth to 5 years, it's fairly unstructured, it's every weekday, and best of all it's drop in. Come when you're ready, leave when you're done. Absolutely beautiful, and Gwen loves it. A gigantic classroom full of appropriate and stimulating toys, as well as a group of older kids to follow around and adore? PERFECT.
We also go to our Mother Goose classes on Wednesdays, and on Tuesdays Gwen hangs out with her Gramma and I get out on my own. Last week I took my laptop to an Internet cafe and did a few hours' worth of work for the volunteer organization I am a part of. It was bliss (not the work itself, but the aspect of it being uninterrupted).
Other than that, I've got a solid group of friends that I can call and/or contact on Facebook to arrange walks, playdates, and so on. It's a very good groove, and I am loving it.
That said, Gwen has had a cold the past week or so, and fear of spreading the germs around to our friends has kept me home from many activities, which I'm not enjoying. On the plus side, Gwen has been - for the most part - the most cheerful sick baby I've ever seen, not getting any more cranky for the nasty cough or the streams of mucous hastily exiting her nose. Woe betide you if you try to wipe it, though, for she will scream and weep as if being beaten.
Speaking of Facebook - and my awesome friends - one of them has started an Adequate Moms Group. It turns out there was a study done on the quality of parenting and the effect on the child's development. There is a significant difference in development between children who have negligent parents and those who have adequate parents - which is what you'd expect. However, the surprise is that there is NOT a big difference in development between those who have adequate parents and those who have excellent parents (whatever that means). So, with a sigh of relief, we can all embrace our adequacy. I'm writing a creed for the group: "I am an adequate mom. I have fed my child a Cheerio that she threw on the floor. I have fed my child a Cheerio that she threw on the floor the day before. When my child is playing in the next room and I hear a thump, sometimes I wait to see if there are tears before I go investigate." You get the idea. How freeing to be adequate!
Gwen's nap schedule has been weird lately. It almost seems like she's shifting from two naps to one - on Monday I put her down shortly after 10, and she didn't get up until 1:20 - nearly 3 hours!! Which left no time at all for an afternoon nap, because I wasn't about to have her nap from 4:30 - 6:30 and then be up until 10, thank you very much. So we got her to bed at 6:30 and she was SO ready. It's hard to predict from one day to the next where she will be at, and her being sick makes me want to just stay flexible and resist trying to squish her into a routine right now, because I know when I'm sick I need a little more downtime. So, once she gets better we'll work on the structure again. On the other hand, while the timing is unpredictable, the naps themselves are happening beautifully. At both naptime and bedtime she is putting herself to sleep in her crib after a diaper change, a bottle, a story, and a lullaby. It's absolutely heavenly to know that "getting Gwen to sleep" only requires 5-10 minutes of parental involvement.
I'm heading out on an ambitious trip next month. I owe my sister a visit (said visit was cancelled due to snow conditions in December) and I thought I'd make a week of it, visiting some folks in Vancouver and Powell River in a circle tour (since I missed out on seeing those folks due to the same damn snow). I plan to leave Nanaimo on the afternoon of Wednesday March 4th; spend two days/nights on the Lower Mainland; travel to the Sunshine Coast and spend the weekend with my sister and her family; then travel to Powell River and spend 3 days/2 nights there before heading back to the Island. One last hurrah before heading back to work. It will be so fun to show Gwen off to all the folks who haven't seen her in a while. Dude, she'll be walking by then! (maybe.)
Oh, and another thing. I think the combination of weaning Gwen + making some progress on her sleep (meaning *I* am getting more sleep) + losing nearly 20 pounds has just made me feel like my body is becoming mine again. I dug out some of my work clothes and even bought myself a gorgeous non-nursing bra, and I've been doing my hair and just taking a bit more care with my appearance. This has had a real effect on my self-esteem. Those women's magazines know what they are talking about. Also, certain activities that we thought would never happen again have actually begun to happen. And they are far more pleasant than I remember them being. Isn't that awesome?
Gwen is developing at a mad pace these days. She spends nearly all her time standing or cruising. She can cruise really quickly, and I kind of think that once she learns to walk she will progress to running and never look back. On Saturday, her grandpa saw her standing on her own for a couple of seconds: she pulled up using their sliding glass door, then pulled her hands away and just stood there for a moment. I haven't seen her do that on her own, but since I missed the original incident and was intensely curious to see if she could do it, I have stood her up myself a couple of times and then taken my hands away. She can, in fact, balance for 2-3 seconds. It's not much, but it's a start. Oh, and she has also mastered the pincer grasp (using her thumb and finger to grab something, instead of palming it) which should make self-feeding immeasurably easier. I'll try to get some video of her doing these things soon, because they are both awesome to watch.
I could easily write more, but wow, this post got really long. They call me wordygirl for a reason.
Things are going well these days. In fact, I would say the past few weeks have been the best since this whole motherhood adventure began. Gwen is sleeping well, which, let's face it, is the key factor in any assessment of life satisfaction. We have found a real groove with our days, heading out to one baby-related activity every weekday, which instead of making me feel rushed makes me feel appropriately non-bored (and Gwen the same, methinks). If I don't get out of the house and have a face-to-face conversation with someone I'm *not* related to at least every second day, I get a little irritable.
As such, we've been going to Strong Start a couple of days a week, and man, I really don't know why I waited so long to check this program out. It's made of everything wonderful: it's free, it's any age from birth to 5 years, it's fairly unstructured, it's every weekday, and best of all it's drop in. Come when you're ready, leave when you're done. Absolutely beautiful, and Gwen loves it. A gigantic classroom full of appropriate and stimulating toys, as well as a group of older kids to follow around and adore? PERFECT.
We also go to our Mother Goose classes on Wednesdays, and on Tuesdays Gwen hangs out with her Gramma and I get out on my own. Last week I took my laptop to an Internet cafe and did a few hours' worth of work for the volunteer organization I am a part of. It was bliss (not the work itself, but the aspect of it being uninterrupted).
Other than that, I've got a solid group of friends that I can call and/or contact on Facebook to arrange walks, playdates, and so on. It's a very good groove, and I am loving it.
That said, Gwen has had a cold the past week or so, and fear of spreading the germs around to our friends has kept me home from many activities, which I'm not enjoying. On the plus side, Gwen has been - for the most part - the most cheerful sick baby I've ever seen, not getting any more cranky for the nasty cough or the streams of mucous hastily exiting her nose. Woe betide you if you try to wipe it, though, for she will scream and weep as if being beaten.
Speaking of Facebook - and my awesome friends - one of them has started an Adequate Moms Group. It turns out there was a study done on the quality of parenting and the effect on the child's development. There is a significant difference in development between children who have negligent parents and those who have adequate parents - which is what you'd expect. However, the surprise is that there is NOT a big difference in development between those who have adequate parents and those who have excellent parents (whatever that means). So, with a sigh of relief, we can all embrace our adequacy. I'm writing a creed for the group: "I am an adequate mom. I have fed my child a Cheerio that she threw on the floor. I have fed my child a Cheerio that she threw on the floor the day before. When my child is playing in the next room and I hear a thump, sometimes I wait to see if there are tears before I go investigate." You get the idea. How freeing to be adequate!
Gwen's nap schedule has been weird lately. It almost seems like she's shifting from two naps to one - on Monday I put her down shortly after 10, and she didn't get up until 1:20 - nearly 3 hours!! Which left no time at all for an afternoon nap, because I wasn't about to have her nap from 4:30 - 6:30 and then be up until 10, thank you very much. So we got her to bed at 6:30 and she was SO ready. It's hard to predict from one day to the next where she will be at, and her being sick makes me want to just stay flexible and resist trying to squish her into a routine right now, because I know when I'm sick I need a little more downtime. So, once she gets better we'll work on the structure again. On the other hand, while the timing is unpredictable, the naps themselves are happening beautifully. At both naptime and bedtime she is putting herself to sleep in her crib after a diaper change, a bottle, a story, and a lullaby. It's absolutely heavenly to know that "getting Gwen to sleep" only requires 5-10 minutes of parental involvement.
I'm heading out on an ambitious trip next month. I owe my sister a visit (said visit was cancelled due to snow conditions in December) and I thought I'd make a week of it, visiting some folks in Vancouver and Powell River in a circle tour (since I missed out on seeing those folks due to the same damn snow). I plan to leave Nanaimo on the afternoon of Wednesday March 4th; spend two days/nights on the Lower Mainland; travel to the Sunshine Coast and spend the weekend with my sister and her family; then travel to Powell River and spend 3 days/2 nights there before heading back to the Island. One last hurrah before heading back to work. It will be so fun to show Gwen off to all the folks who haven't seen her in a while. Dude, she'll be walking by then! (maybe.)
Oh, and another thing. I think the combination of weaning Gwen + making some progress on her sleep (meaning *I* am getting more sleep) + losing nearly 20 pounds has just made me feel like my body is becoming mine again. I dug out some of my work clothes and even bought myself a gorgeous non-nursing bra, and I've been doing my hair and just taking a bit more care with my appearance. This has had a real effect on my self-esteem. Those women's magazines know what they are talking about. Also, certain activities that we thought would never happen again have actually begun to happen. And they are far more pleasant than I remember them being. Isn't that awesome?
Gwen is developing at a mad pace these days. She spends nearly all her time standing or cruising. She can cruise really quickly, and I kind of think that once she learns to walk she will progress to running and never look back. On Saturday, her grandpa saw her standing on her own for a couple of seconds: she pulled up using their sliding glass door, then pulled her hands away and just stood there for a moment. I haven't seen her do that on her own, but since I missed the original incident and was intensely curious to see if she could do it, I have stood her up myself a couple of times and then taken my hands away. She can, in fact, balance for 2-3 seconds. It's not much, but it's a start. Oh, and she has also mastered the pincer grasp (using her thumb and finger to grab something, instead of palming it) which should make self-feeding immeasurably easier. I'll try to get some video of her doing these things soon, because they are both awesome to watch.
I could easily write more, but wow, this post got really long. They call me wordygirl for a reason.
Thursday, January 29, 2009
FINALLY.
Okay, we seem to have finally found something that works for getting Gwen to sleep - whether for naptimes, bedtimes, or after-3am-feeding-times. It's not easy for any of us, but it WORKS, and incredibly? It's so simple!
We put her in her crib and walk away. She cries (and sometimes screams), and then after a while she stops, lays down, and goes to sleep.
After spending nearly two hours trying to get her back to sleep at 4:30am, during which she screamed anyway, we finally threw up our hands at went back to bed, where we lay in the dark, listening to her cry, telling each other we weren't bad parents. Twenty minutes later, she went to sleep. Those 20 minutes weren't easy, but they were marginally easier than the 2 hours beforehand where we listened to her scream and we were standing up.
I can't believe after everything we've tried that all we needed to do was get lost and let her do it herself. I can't believe that after all this time we just needed to do what we started out doing in the first place. Hello! We are first-time parents, please ridicule gently.
We put her in her crib and walk away. She cries (and sometimes screams), and then after a while she stops, lays down, and goes to sleep.
After spending nearly two hours trying to get her back to sleep at 4:30am, during which she screamed anyway, we finally threw up our hands at went back to bed, where we lay in the dark, listening to her cry, telling each other we weren't bad parents. Twenty minutes later, she went to sleep. Those 20 minutes weren't easy, but they were marginally easier than the 2 hours beforehand where we listened to her scream and we were standing up.
I can't believe after everything we've tried that all we needed to do was get lost and let her do it herself. I can't believe that after all this time we just needed to do what we started out doing in the first place. Hello! We are first-time parents, please ridicule gently.
Monday, January 26, 2009
Sleep Training, Part Two
It's been just over two weeks since I wrote Gwen that letter. Tonight, we started sleep training again, from square one. As I type, Chris is in Gwen's room, bending over her crib and rubbing her tummy as she screams inconsolably. I know because my 20-minute shift doing the same thing just ended.
On Saturday night, we hit rock bottom. We left Gwen with Chris's parents while we went out to the Vancouver Island Short Film Festival. This event is organized by a friend of ours and we never miss it - it's always a wonderful show. During the intermission - around 8pm - I called home to see how Gwen was doing. Much to my dismay, she was still awake (we usually put her to bed between 7 and 7:30). When we got home at about 10:30, we were grimly placing bets about whether she'd be in bed or not. She wasn't.
The story is, she went to bed at 8:30, then woke up about 10 minutes before we got home. Chris's parents had then brought her back downstairs - where the tv and all her toys are, and where the lights were on and there were people to socialize with - instead of leaving her in a dark quiet room and soothing/feeding her back to sleep. Not sure why they did that, but I kinda think that confused the hell out of poor Gwen, who must have concluded that it was time to wake up, and yet her body was so exhausted that she couldn't quite deal with that either. When we got home at 10:30, I quickly whisked her upstairs and gave her a bottle while Chris thanked his parents and bid them goodnight.
I fed her and rocked her. I shushed her and walked her. I sang, I snuggled, I even put her in the sling. Chris had his turn too, doing all the same things. We gave her Tylenol and gripe water. Nothing worked.
At midnight, we piled into the car and headed for the highway. We were completely out of ideas. At 12:45am, she finally fell asleep. By this time I was nearly asleep myself - I am usually in bed by 10. We drove back home, having made it more than halfway to Parksville, and performed the elaborate maneuvers necessary to get her out of the carseat and into the crib without waking her up. She slept with her coat on that night.
One might have hoped that having gotten to bed at 1am would mean she'd sleep in the next day - but she was up before 7am. Chris and I were zombies all day, and commented a few times that we weren't going out for another date until Gwen was in middle school.
I don't know why we're back at square one with her sleep training. I'm not sure how we're going to fix all this again. But I know that we have to, or none of us are going to survive.
She's starting to wind down now, only whimpering instead of shrieking. I wish I knew what was upsetting her so much. Five more minutes until my next shift starts.
On Saturday night, we hit rock bottom. We left Gwen with Chris's parents while we went out to the Vancouver Island Short Film Festival. This event is organized by a friend of ours and we never miss it - it's always a wonderful show. During the intermission - around 8pm - I called home to see how Gwen was doing. Much to my dismay, she was still awake (we usually put her to bed between 7 and 7:30). When we got home at about 10:30, we were grimly placing bets about whether she'd be in bed or not. She wasn't.
The story is, she went to bed at 8:30, then woke up about 10 minutes before we got home. Chris's parents had then brought her back downstairs - where the tv and all her toys are, and where the lights were on and there were people to socialize with - instead of leaving her in a dark quiet room and soothing/feeding her back to sleep. Not sure why they did that, but I kinda think that confused the hell out of poor Gwen, who must have concluded that it was time to wake up, and yet her body was so exhausted that she couldn't quite deal with that either. When we got home at 10:30, I quickly whisked her upstairs and gave her a bottle while Chris thanked his parents and bid them goodnight.
I fed her and rocked her. I shushed her and walked her. I sang, I snuggled, I even put her in the sling. Chris had his turn too, doing all the same things. We gave her Tylenol and gripe water. Nothing worked.
At midnight, we piled into the car and headed for the highway. We were completely out of ideas. At 12:45am, she finally fell asleep. By this time I was nearly asleep myself - I am usually in bed by 10. We drove back home, having made it more than halfway to Parksville, and performed the elaborate maneuvers necessary to get her out of the carseat and into the crib without waking her up. She slept with her coat on that night.
One might have hoped that having gotten to bed at 1am would mean she'd sleep in the next day - but she was up before 7am. Chris and I were zombies all day, and commented a few times that we weren't going out for another date until Gwen was in middle school.
I don't know why we're back at square one with her sleep training. I'm not sure how we're going to fix all this again. But I know that we have to, or none of us are going to survive.
She's starting to wind down now, only whimpering instead of shrieking. I wish I knew what was upsetting her so much. Five more minutes until my next shift starts.
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Floor Nap
A few days before we hit absolutely rock bottom with Gwen's failure to nap, I was once again trying to soothe her to sleep in her room, about an hour and a half past her normal naptime. She was completely overtired, crying and shrieking, but she would not settle down. I had put her down, walked away, and come back to pick her up probably about a dozen times.
Finally, at the end of my rope, I picked up the exhausted, weeping child and held her as I lay down on her bedroom floor. I positioned the two of us so that I could nurse, and as I rubbed her back and whispered "shhhh" she finally started to calm down. After a few minutes she drifted off to sleep, her head resting on my arm. I reached the other arm up as far as it could go and managed to snag a pile of cloth diapers from the change table to create a makeshift pillow for myself.
I lay there next to my sleeping child, stroking her soft downy hair, feeling the tickle of her breath on my arm. I watched her chest rise and fall and gloried in the chub of her cheeks and the pout of her lips. I rarely have the opportunity to appreciate Gwen in this way: she is never still, always a bundle of energy, not one for cuddling but quick to squirm and twist her way out of my arms to go find something to explore.
Right now as you read this, you think you know how the story's going to end. You want to hear that I lay there on the floor with her in absolute bliss for an hour or more, so grateful that she was finally able to sleep, and maybe even getting a few winks myself. You want to hear that I revelled in the chance to be still with her, to cuddle like we did when she was tiny, to stroke her velvet skin and silken hair. You want to hear how I used the time to reflect on how fast she was growing, understanding that I would spend years yearning for precious moments like this where time seemed to stand still.
I want the story to end that way, too.
But it didn't.
Instead, I lay there for 15 minutes and then, when I felt she was truly asleep, I slowly and painstakingly worked my arm free from under her head. I oh-so-quietly placed a few pillows around her so that if she rolled over in her sleep, she wouldn't bump into the legs of her crib. And then I stealthily crept out of the room.
I forget what I did next. Can't remember what it was that seemed so important to pull me out of that moment and back into the real world: dishes? laundry? the book I was reading? maybe just the thrilling promise of some time to myself, to fill with whatever I chose. What I do remember is that it was only a few brief moments before I heard a bump from upstairs and discovered that she'd woken up and was now crawling around the room. She must have woken up nearly as soon as I'd left.
I thought I was writing this post to explain what a bad mother I am, to point out yet one more way in which I failed my child by being too impatient to put my own life on hold just to support her need to nap. But as I reflect on the incident, I'm given a new insight. I fill my day with stimulation and accomplishments, never satisfied with sitting still and "doing nothing". Is it a coincidence that Gwen spends her every waking moment seeking out activity and excitement?
So perhaps I'm not such a bad mother after all. Busy, yes - my personality demands it. And Gwen's does too. In future years, we'll probably enjoy being very busy together. And in the meantime, perhaps I'll be a little bit more understanding of her inability to settle down, stop squirming, and give me a hug. After all, she comes by it honestly.
Finally, at the end of my rope, I picked up the exhausted, weeping child and held her as I lay down on her bedroom floor. I positioned the two of us so that I could nurse, and as I rubbed her back and whispered "shhhh" she finally started to calm down. After a few minutes she drifted off to sleep, her head resting on my arm. I reached the other arm up as far as it could go and managed to snag a pile of cloth diapers from the change table to create a makeshift pillow for myself.
I lay there next to my sleeping child, stroking her soft downy hair, feeling the tickle of her breath on my arm. I watched her chest rise and fall and gloried in the chub of her cheeks and the pout of her lips. I rarely have the opportunity to appreciate Gwen in this way: she is never still, always a bundle of energy, not one for cuddling but quick to squirm and twist her way out of my arms to go find something to explore.
Right now as you read this, you think you know how the story's going to end. You want to hear that I lay there on the floor with her in absolute bliss for an hour or more, so grateful that she was finally able to sleep, and maybe even getting a few winks myself. You want to hear that I revelled in the chance to be still with her, to cuddle like we did when she was tiny, to stroke her velvet skin and silken hair. You want to hear how I used the time to reflect on how fast she was growing, understanding that I would spend years yearning for precious moments like this where time seemed to stand still.
I want the story to end that way, too.
But it didn't.
Instead, I lay there for 15 minutes and then, when I felt she was truly asleep, I slowly and painstakingly worked my arm free from under her head. I oh-so-quietly placed a few pillows around her so that if she rolled over in her sleep, she wouldn't bump into the legs of her crib. And then I stealthily crept out of the room.
I forget what I did next. Can't remember what it was that seemed so important to pull me out of that moment and back into the real world: dishes? laundry? the book I was reading? maybe just the thrilling promise of some time to myself, to fill with whatever I chose. What I do remember is that it was only a few brief moments before I heard a bump from upstairs and discovered that she'd woken up and was now crawling around the room. She must have woken up nearly as soon as I'd left.
I thought I was writing this post to explain what a bad mother I am, to point out yet one more way in which I failed my child by being too impatient to put my own life on hold just to support her need to nap. But as I reflect on the incident, I'm given a new insight. I fill my day with stimulation and accomplishments, never satisfied with sitting still and "doing nothing". Is it a coincidence that Gwen spends her every waking moment seeking out activity and excitement?
So perhaps I'm not such a bad mother after all. Busy, yes - my personality demands it. And Gwen's does too. In future years, we'll probably enjoy being very busy together. And in the meantime, perhaps I'll be a little bit more understanding of her inability to settle down, stop squirming, and give me a hug. After all, she comes by it honestly.
Monday, January 12, 2009
No Naps, and Also No Sitting, But We're All Still Alive
I am so grateful for the responses I received to my anguish-filled post on the weekend. I guess the rewards of motherhood sometimes come from people other than your child.
It was very irresponsible of me to then not update for two days, perhaps leaving you all to believe that either Gwen or I met with an untimely end. This is not the case - we are both still alive, and in fact, even having some good times together. But for the past two days, I have done absolutely nothing to encourage Gwen to nap. All the fight has gone out of me for the time being. And because I am not spending upwards of three hours a day fighting with her to get her to sleep, we're both in better moods. On the other hand, it also means that she has slept 40 minutes on each of those days, so I haven't had time for things like this blog. Or, say, an entire uninterrupted thought. But whatever.
This afternoon as I was feeding Gwen some lunch in her high chair, she actually started to nod off. It was both hilarious and sad. Sad because I felt sorry for her, to be so damned tired that she was nearly falling asleep in the middle of a meal, in an uncomfortable position. Immediately, I weighed the options. I could let her fall asleep in the high chair and take funny pictures of her to post on my blog. Or I could take her upstairs and put her in the crib so she had a chance of a decent nap.
I took her upstairs. I'm not an uncaring mommy, just a tired one.
Anyway, we figure what is going on with Gwen is that something - teeth? tummy trouble? constipation? - is causing her enough pain that she cannot get to sleep unless she's completely exhausted. This theory is borne out by the fact that she pulled the same falling-asleep-in-the-highchair trick with her dad tonight over dinner. Her usual bedtime - the one we aim for, though she doesn't always play along - is 7pm. Tonight she was in her crib and dead asleep by 6:10pm.
In other news, I took Gwen to the chiropractor today to follow up and make sure the treatments she had in September are still effective post-crawling. Dr. Dave reports that while there is nothing at all wrong with her chiropractically speaking, he is concerned about her failure and/or disinterest in sitting. "Sitting unassisted for brief periods" is a six-month milestone - Gwen is going on nine months and doesn't sit at all, assisted or not.
I have mentioned this to various friends and family members in the past, and the response I usually get is , "Oh well, why would she want to sit, she's got places to go!" Which is true, she is a busy girl. But there's a difference between "cannot sit" and "cannot sit still". The inability to sit does impact her life: for example, she has to use a bath seat in the big tub, which reduces both her freedom to enjoy her bath and my ability to clean her effectively. Furthermore, because she can't or won't sit on my lap to eat finger foods, the only place I can feed her is a high chair - which greatly limits our ability to feed her at places other than our home.
Dr. Dave stressed that I should not freak out about this, and in fact I am not. I am, if anything, pleased that someone believes this is worth following up on, and is pointing me in the right direction of how to do so. Stay tuned for further (equally fascinating) bulletins in this area.
This is Gwen's version of sitting. She's up on her hip, not on her bum.
It was very irresponsible of me to then not update for two days, perhaps leaving you all to believe that either Gwen or I met with an untimely end. This is not the case - we are both still alive, and in fact, even having some good times together. But for the past two days, I have done absolutely nothing to encourage Gwen to nap. All the fight has gone out of me for the time being. And because I am not spending upwards of three hours a day fighting with her to get her to sleep, we're both in better moods. On the other hand, it also means that she has slept 40 minutes on each of those days, so I haven't had time for things like this blog. Or, say, an entire uninterrupted thought. But whatever.
This afternoon as I was feeding Gwen some lunch in her high chair, she actually started to nod off. It was both hilarious and sad. Sad because I felt sorry for her, to be so damned tired that she was nearly falling asleep in the middle of a meal, in an uncomfortable position. Immediately, I weighed the options. I could let her fall asleep in the high chair and take funny pictures of her to post on my blog. Or I could take her upstairs and put her in the crib so she had a chance of a decent nap.
I took her upstairs. I'm not an uncaring mommy, just a tired one.
Anyway, we figure what is going on with Gwen is that something - teeth? tummy trouble? constipation? - is causing her enough pain that she cannot get to sleep unless she's completely exhausted. This theory is borne out by the fact that she pulled the same falling-asleep-in-the-highchair trick with her dad tonight over dinner. Her usual bedtime - the one we aim for, though she doesn't always play along - is 7pm. Tonight she was in her crib and dead asleep by 6:10pm.
In other news, I took Gwen to the chiropractor today to follow up and make sure the treatments she had in September are still effective post-crawling. Dr. Dave reports that while there is nothing at all wrong with her chiropractically speaking, he is concerned about her failure and/or disinterest in sitting. "Sitting unassisted for brief periods" is a six-month milestone - Gwen is going on nine months and doesn't sit at all, assisted or not.
I have mentioned this to various friends and family members in the past, and the response I usually get is , "Oh well, why would she want to sit, she's got places to go!" Which is true, she is a busy girl. But there's a difference between "cannot sit" and "cannot sit still". The inability to sit does impact her life: for example, she has to use a bath seat in the big tub, which reduces both her freedom to enjoy her bath and my ability to clean her effectively. Furthermore, because she can't or won't sit on my lap to eat finger foods, the only place I can feed her is a high chair - which greatly limits our ability to feed her at places other than our home.
Dr. Dave stressed that I should not freak out about this, and in fact I am not. I am, if anything, pleased that someone believes this is worth following up on, and is pointing me in the right direction of how to do so. Stay tuned for further (equally fascinating) bulletins in this area.
This is Gwen's version of sitting. She's up on her hip, not on her bum.
Saturday, January 10, 2009
Dear Gwen: Special Edition
Dear Gwen,
I know, it's not even newsletter time. But we need to talk. Mostly, I need to talk.
Because I need to sleep.
Before you came along, I felt mildly apprehensive about the lack of sleep I knew I'd experience as a new parent. But I had no idea what you had in store for me. I like getting my 8 hours a night, but I can get by on less. Six is entirely passable. This was before I understood the vast difference between six hours of sleep in a row and six hours of sleep spread over eight or ten hours. Not all sleep is created equal, I guess.
My next terrible misconception is that things would get better after three months. They didn't. Like, at all. And when we finally decided to do sleep training at seven months, I seemed to have this expectation that since you went to sleep in 14 minutes the first night, you would take 13 minutes the second night, 12 minutes the third night, and so on until about 2 weeks later when you would just fall asleep mere seconds after I lay you, sweetly smiling, in the crib. And, you know, that you would just continue to do that every night (and nap) from then until you moved out. Yeah, NO.
I know, it's not even newsletter time. But we need to talk. Mostly, I need to talk.
Because I need to sleep.
Before you came along, I felt mildly apprehensive about the lack of sleep I knew I'd experience as a new parent. But I had no idea what you had in store for me. I like getting my 8 hours a night, but I can get by on less. Six is entirely passable. This was before I understood the vast difference between six hours of sleep in a row and six hours of sleep spread over eight or ten hours. Not all sleep is created equal, I guess.
My next terrible misconception is that things would get better after three months. They didn't. Like, at all. And when we finally decided to do sleep training at seven months, I seemed to have this expectation that since you went to sleep in 14 minutes the first night, you would take 13 minutes the second night, 12 minutes the third night, and so on until about 2 weeks later when you would just fall asleep mere seconds after I lay you, sweetly smiling, in the crib. And, you know, that you would just continue to do that every night (and nap) from then until you moved out. Yeah, NO.
So now you are 8.5 months old, very active and intelligent, and we are back at square one with your sleep. The fact that you can now pull to standing means that you are no longer safe to just "cry it out" in your crib, since the ability to stand brings the likelihood of falling, and since you haven't figured out that you need to lie down to go to sleep. Nor have you figured out how to get down from a standing position, since we're on the subject, so even if you were ready to lie down, you couldn't. This means our nighttime and naptime routine now includes the following:
- I lay you in your crib
- You stand up in your crib
- I pick you up and lay you down again
- You stand up again, with increasing agitation
Repeat, repeat, repeat, until you are hysterical and cannot possibly hope to sleep. What are you gaining from this experience?
I'd be perfectly happy to give up on the nap altogether, since you seem so opposed to it, but this doesn't please you either. Instead, you become the Whiniest Babe in All The Land, determined to destroy my will to live with your endless whimpering. WHAT DO YOU WANT? You don't want to nurse, you don't want to play, you don't want to cuddle, you don't want to sleep ... is whining just an end in itself for you? Because if so, we may need to review our Parent-Child Contract. And our tenancy agreement. Soundproofing, for example, may be in order.
Yesterday I thought the problem might be teething, so I even broke down and gave you Tylenol before your nap. Made no difference. It took over 90 minutes to get you to go to sleep. And then you slept for an HOUR. Gwen, this is not a good situation for either of us. You need your sleep (you really do!), and I need time to myself. I count on your naps to allow me to get some housework done, as well as having a shred of personal time. Having that time is what allows me to regroup and continue to take care of you when you're awake. Just as you are not in a good mood when you give up sleep, I am not in a good mood when I give up that time. It really works better for both of us if we spend that time apart, both refueling in our own ways.
I got to a very dark place last night, Gwen. It was 3:30am and you'd been awake for over an hour. I'd only slept for about two hours before you woke me. I had tried everything I knew how to do to get you back to sleep, but nothing worked. Over and over again I calmed you down, lay you in your crib, and enjoyed the two seconds of silence before your wails pierced the night again. Your dad, who was supposed to be up for the day in only another 90 minutes, finally had to spend another half an hour soothing you before he finally succeeded in getting you to sleep.
As I lay in bed, wide awake, listening to him walk across the floor with you, I started to ask myself some serious questions. I wondered if I was really cut out for this motherhood business anyway. After all, shouldn't I be able to put my own child to sleep? Or, failing that, be capable of the self-sacrifice needed to sit up with you all night and be cheerful about it? I wasn't able to do either of these things. Instead, I lay in bed and wished that you had never been born. I wondered if I was the only mother to ever question herself in this way.
Please don't believe that I would do anything to hurt you, Gwen, because I wouldn't. And the question of whether I am cut out to be a mother is obviously a moot one, since you are here now, not going anywhere, and I am a mother, ready or not. There's nothing anyone can do to change that. And I know that this stage won't last long, and that in years to come I will barely remember what it felt like to be so sleep-deprived that I imagined sneaking out to sleep in the car just so I couldn't hear your whining anymore. So sleep-deprived that I wished someone in this house was a drinker, so we could give you a slug of brandy.
I know the Rules of Mommyblogging demand that I end this post with the "it's all worth it!" disclaimer, maybe even throwing in "motherhood is SO rewarding!" for bonus points, but I don't feel that way today. I don't feel rewarded. I don't feel like it is all worth it. I feel like sometimes, it sucks. Sometimes, no matter how much I give and give and give, you treat me like crap and then scream in outrage about it. I feel like I am barely hanging on to my sanity, and I really don't like the feeling that I'm always one missed nap away from losing my mind - and yet, what alternative do I have?
Please, Gwen, I am doing my best. I'm still new at this, and I know I'm not perfect. Please, just meet me halfway. Allow me to take care of you, and then allow me the time to take care of myself. I promise I won't steer you astray. You're my daughter, and I love you, but I can't do this alone.
Love,
Mama
Friday, January 9, 2009
Stuff that's Working
I hesitate to call this post anything like "tips" or "advice" because everyone's experience is different. But I wanted to gather a few of the things that have worked for us in the past eight months, in case any readers out there see something that gets them thinking.
Spud.ca - the organic, local grocery delivery service. I thought I could only get produce from Spud, but I was quite wrong. I can get nearly everything I used to get at the grocery store (one notable exception is baby formula). While it's true that the products themselves are slightly more expensive, being organic and all, I think I spend less on groceries now than I did when I went to the store, and here's why.
- No impulse purchases (ie, "It's on sale! I'll buy twelve!")
- No junk food purchases
- I know exactly what my total will be before I check out, and if it's too much I can pare down
This also means I plan my menu more instead of approaching the grocery store with some haphazard idea of what I need, coming out with twenty things that don't add up to a single meal, and then throwing out half the stuff I buy. All that, PLUS it's good for the environment. The Spud website tells me every week how far my groceries will travel from the farm to my door, and compares it to the average distance from farm to big box grocery store (2600 km). I try to keep my total under 100km.
Add to that the convenience of not having to get to the grocery store with a baby in tow, and you've got a clear winner.
Zip.ca - a DVD rental service that works through the mail. Chris and I turned to this about a year ago when we found that whenever we found the time to get to the video store, whatever we wanted wasn't available. We'd usually wander around the store all dazed for half an hour until finally grabbing something out of desperation, which inevitably turned out to be crap.
Zip.ca lets you create an online list of all the movies you have any interest whatsoever in seeing. Then, depending on what membership you pay for (we have 3 rentals at a time), it sends you that many DVDs, based on the availability and the priority you assign. (When you make your list, it automatically assigns priorities based on the order in which you add the movies, but you can edit this if you want to.)
As soon as you watch a movie and send it back, another one gets shipped to you. There are no late fees because there's no return date. You always have good stuff to watch in your house. Shipping is free. You pay your monthly fee and can then rent movies as fast as you can watch them. Everyone wins.
This works especially well for us because we get most of our movie information from the 'net, so it's super easy to hop over to the Zip site and add something to our list. There are lots of older releases on our list that would never have drawn our attention at a video store, and also many obscure/foreign/documentary titles that a local store probably wouldn't even carry. And not having to go to the store, of course, appeals to our laziness.
Cloth diapers - surprisingly, after eight months of diapering I find I like cloth diapers better than disposable. I always knew I wanted to use cloth, purely for the environmental reasons. But since we use disposables when we travel, I've had ample opportunity to try both, and I can honestly say that for me, the fit, absorption, and ease of use for cloth is superior. Also, the cost can't be beat. There is a large outlay of cash at the beginning - I think I paid $200 for my starter kit - but if my calculations are correct, that's equal to about a 3-month supply of disposables, while the cloth diapers will last a couple of years.
Smaller loads of laundry - right after the cloth diapers, I have to comment on my new laundry philosophy. Giving credit where credit is due, this was my sister Sarapants' idea; in fact, I think our Mom suggested it to her. My previous methodology for laundry was as follows:
1. Wait until you have nothing to wear and/or laundry hamper is overflowing.
2. Spend an entire day/night washing, drying, folding, and putting away everything you own.
3. Repeat.
When you have a baby, especially a baby in cloth diapers, this just doesn't work anymore. We all know the laundry increases exponentially when a baby joins the family, but the bigger factor here is the extreme decrease in available time. I just can't spend an entire day and night doing laundry anymore. However, I do have smaller chunks of time throughout the day (naptime! Yay!). So I now do one small load of laundry pretty much every day. Either Gwen's diapers, or her clothes, or grownup darks, or grownup whites. It still irks my OCD to leave clothes in the hamper after sorting the laundry, but I press on, because it's much more likely that I'll have time to do that load the next day than that I'll succeed in getting two loads finished in one day.
Bathtime/bedtime routine with INSANE teamwork - pretty much every baby sleep book or website will tell you that you need to develop a bedtime routine and stick to it. Ours moves from dinner at 6, to a bath immediately after, then into pajamas, bottle feed, storytime, prayers, lullaby, and bed no later than 7pm. We work together on this every night, but switch off the jobs: basically, one person deals with Gwen while the other prepares the next task and then cleans up from the last one (ie, getting the bath ready then tidying up the highchair after Gwen's dinner).
It's gotten to the point where we barely need to communicate during this routine, since we both just work together so smoothly. The whole thing - from finishing the meal to getting Gwen into her crib - usually takes about 20 minutes, but during those 20 minutes we are both constantly in motion, focussing on the tasks at hand, working together and separately to ensure that Gwen has a smooth and enjoyable transition to bedtime. It's one of the few times that we spend all together as a family, all doing the same thing, and it's a task that I feel we definitely excel at as parents.
A simple addition to this plan, but one that makes a huge improvement to the rest of the evening, is that while I give Gwen her bottle, Chris goes downstairs and puts all her toys away. This means that when I finish getting her to bed and come to rejoin the adult world for some adult time, that world is CLEAN. And that makes a huge difference to my psyche.
Miracle Blanket - speaking of Gwen's sleep, there wouldn't have been any of that for the first seven months of her life if not for this blanket. They call it 'miracle' for a reason. We were pretty sure we'd be swaddling her until her first birthday, although she outgrew the leg pouch around 12 weeks and from then on we only swaddled her arms. However, once we did sleep training she seemed to suddenly lose her need for swaddling. Still probably the best $30 I've ever spent.
Sleepsense.net - yup, still on the topic of Gwen's sleep. I don't think I had any clue, until becoming a parent, how sleep becomes the all-encompassing topic of constant conversation. There was a time, only a few weeks ago, when I could not answer a simple question like "How are you?" or "What's new?" without somehow referencing Gwen's sleep. It truly was the only factor that influenced my life, my sanity, and my mood. Or, for that matter, my will to live.
Anyway, the sleepsense program is the one that worked for us. Here's what I believe sleep training boils down to:
- Knowledge of how much sleep your baby needs; willingness to do what it takes to get him or her that sleep; and acceptance that to do so will almost definitely involve some tears
- Creating a solid bedtime (8pm at the latest), a good bedtime routine, and a night-waking strategy
- Put the baby in the crib awake; create the environment and opportunity for sleep, then let the baby choose how to respond
One of the things I felt made the Sleepsense program different from other books/websites/etc. is that it helps you formulate a specific, step-by-step plan for the bedtime routine, the naptime routine, and how you will deal with night wakings. It even goes so far as to provide forms for the parents to fill out and sign with the acknowledgement of the fact that "sticking to this plan consistently for at least 10 days will help my child learn to fall asleep." For me personally, having a document signed by both of us helped me not give in when I thought I couldn't stand it anymore.
I have never been more proud of Gwen than as I watched her learn to fall asleep somewhere other than my lap. And I'm infinitely glad that we dealt with this issue before she learned how to stand up in her crib. (More on that in another post.)
What's been working for YOU lately? Care to share?
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
Random Snowy Update
It's snowing like mad here. Supposed to get another 15cm today. The same thing happened on Saturday, and we ended up staying overnight at the in-laws (we were there for dinner and didn't want to risk driving home). I'm quite surprised there is still traffic on the roads at the moment, but I'm betting within 15 minutes that will change.
The snow changes our plans quite a bit for the day. Karen was supposed to come over for Gramma time, but we decided to cancel that - not only should she stay home in case her power goes out (since they live in a rural area), but heck, it's not like I'm going to drive anywhere in this mess. I didn't really have anything critical to do anyway - my shopping is done, I was just going to hit the library and the gym and drop off a Christmas card to a friend.
Fortunately, Chris decided to stay home too. He was planning to drive to Port Alberni for work today. I was terrified that he'd get stuck out there and I'd be alone with Gwen for a day or two. Not that I couldn't handle that, of course, but having some backup is extremely helpful!
Speaking of Gwen, since this blog is supposed to be about her, I should report that she can now crawl. Having a mobile child has already taught me some interesting lessons, such as the true filthiness of my floor. I already knew neither of us were great housekeepers, but when I pick Gwen up from the floor and her clothes look like I've been using her tummy as a duster, well, there's a problem.
Also. Why is it that Gwen cannot manage - despite persistent efforts on her part - to get her veggies into her mouth, but dust bunnies make it there every time?
Gwen is also sleeping very well. There is not a shred of exaggeration when I say, "sleep training changed my life". It changed all of our lives. We've been 'on the program' for five weeks and naptime/bedtime is so much less of a challenge now. One misconception I had about sleep training is that it would lessen over time and that by this point, there would never be any tears, but that has not proved to be the case. I would say that most of the time Gwen goes to sleep without any kind of trauma, but once in a while - say, 15% of the time? - there is still a brief period of fuss and drama before she drifts off. I guess after the first night, when she cried for 14 minutes, I thought that time would progressively shorten every night until it was no crying, none of the time, and that has not turned out to be the case. Still, it's so much better than it was, and I'm so proud of her (and us!) for getting through the tough parts. I now have confidence that she can sleep pretty much anywhere, given a few familiar items and rituals.
I've been doing a lot of random tidying and organizing in the past couple of weeks, which I suppose is an effort to make room for our Christmas loot (and by "our" I mean "Gwen's"). I've had the freedom and ability to do this because a) I've been getting enough sleep at night to have the energy to get it done, and b) Gwen has become a much more contented girl as her mobility and independence have grown. For the past few weeks, before the mechanics of official crawling completely fell into place, she's been kind of semi-mobile: throwing her arms forward and dragging her lower body along behind her. There have been long periods of time, up to an hour even, where she is utterly happy to just mosey around the floor, exploring all kinds of things, while I sit nearby or putter around at some task or other. She's happy to know that I'm there, but she doesn't demand my attention. It was that perfect 'sweet spot' where she was mobile enough to entertain herself, but not mobile enough that I had to watch and follow her every second. I think that second stage will be arriving any day now. We'll be installing the baby gates today, by the way, and fullblown child-proofing will be getting underway next week.
The snow changes our plans quite a bit for the day. Karen was supposed to come over for Gramma time, but we decided to cancel that - not only should she stay home in case her power goes out (since they live in a rural area), but heck, it's not like I'm going to drive anywhere in this mess. I didn't really have anything critical to do anyway - my shopping is done, I was just going to hit the library and the gym and drop off a Christmas card to a friend.
Fortunately, Chris decided to stay home too. He was planning to drive to Port Alberni for work today. I was terrified that he'd get stuck out there and I'd be alone with Gwen for a day or two. Not that I couldn't handle that, of course, but having some backup is extremely helpful!
Speaking of Gwen, since this blog is supposed to be about her, I should report that she can now crawl. Having a mobile child has already taught me some interesting lessons, such as the true filthiness of my floor. I already knew neither of us were great housekeepers, but when I pick Gwen up from the floor and her clothes look like I've been using her tummy as a duster, well, there's a problem.
Also. Why is it that Gwen cannot manage - despite persistent efforts on her part - to get her veggies into her mouth, but dust bunnies make it there every time?
Gwen is also sleeping very well. There is not a shred of exaggeration when I say, "sleep training changed my life". It changed all of our lives. We've been 'on the program' for five weeks and naptime/bedtime is so much less of a challenge now. One misconception I had about sleep training is that it would lessen over time and that by this point, there would never be any tears, but that has not proved to be the case. I would say that most of the time Gwen goes to sleep without any kind of trauma, but once in a while - say, 15% of the time? - there is still a brief period of fuss and drama before she drifts off. I guess after the first night, when she cried for 14 minutes, I thought that time would progressively shorten every night until it was no crying, none of the time, and that has not turned out to be the case. Still, it's so much better than it was, and I'm so proud of her (and us!) for getting through the tough parts. I now have confidence that she can sleep pretty much anywhere, given a few familiar items and rituals.
I've been doing a lot of random tidying and organizing in the past couple of weeks, which I suppose is an effort to make room for our Christmas loot (and by "our" I mean "Gwen's"). I've had the freedom and ability to do this because a) I've been getting enough sleep at night to have the energy to get it done, and b) Gwen has become a much more contented girl as her mobility and independence have grown. For the past few weeks, before the mechanics of official crawling completely fell into place, she's been kind of semi-mobile: throwing her arms forward and dragging her lower body along behind her. There have been long periods of time, up to an hour even, where she is utterly happy to just mosey around the floor, exploring all kinds of things, while I sit nearby or putter around at some task or other. She's happy to know that I'm there, but she doesn't demand my attention. It was that perfect 'sweet spot' where she was mobile enough to entertain herself, but not mobile enough that I had to watch and follow her every second. I think that second stage will be arriving any day now. We'll be installing the baby gates today, by the way, and fullblown child-proofing will be getting underway next week.
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Portable Gwen!
I am so incredibly proud of my Gwen.
Yesterday was Day 6 of sleep training. I took her to Victoria for the day and overnight. Talk about throwing a wrench in the works, right?
She handled it beautifully.
I timed the drive down so that we were leaving right around her morning nap time. We even went through the naptime routine before we left, with me reading her a story as she sat in her carseat by the front door. She fell asleep in the car and got a decent nap during the drive. Then when we arrived at my friend Mike's house, we went downstairs to the room where Gwen and I would be sleeping, and spent some time hanging out there, so that when I went to put her down for her nap, she wouldn't be in an unfamiliar room.
I brought *so* much stuff from home to help her feel comfortable, I felt a little ridiculous. But it all paid off!
A couple hours after we arrived, she was looking really tired, so I went through the naptime routine again, lay her in the playpen, and waited. She cried for only a few minutes, and then slept for two hours.
That evening, Gwen and I had a great visit with Janice at her new (beautiful!) home, then we stopped by medieval dance practice on our way back to [Uncle] Mike's place. When we got back to our temporary home, it was about an hour past Gwen's usual bedtime, but I felt it was important to do the whole bedtime routine. So I put her in her bumbo chair and fed her some cereal, then we went upstairs and had a bath. Then pajamas, bottle, storytime, prayers and lullaby, and into the playpen with her lovey (a gorgeous soft stuffed cow named "Mooey" that Mike gave me for my birthday last year). She babbled and cooed to herself for a few minutes, during which time I snuck out of the room. After a while, she began to cry, but that only lasted about 10 minutes. And then she slept for 6 hours.
When she woke in the night, I fed her for a few minutes and then put her back down. She barely even cried before going to sleep.
OH! And the other amazing thing is that as of Monday, GWEN NO LONGER SLEEPS SWADDLED.
Every night after Gwen goes to sleep, Chris says to me "Good job, honey." But really, it's all her. She has learned so much in the past few weeks, and I'm just so damn proud of her. I'm especially excited about the fact that she handled the trip to Victoria so well, as now I can travel with her without worrying about messing up her schedule. Quite a contrast from a few months ago when I could *only* get her to nap in the swing, and so felt afraid to take her anywhere.
Yesterday was Day 6 of sleep training. I took her to Victoria for the day and overnight. Talk about throwing a wrench in the works, right?
She handled it beautifully.
I timed the drive down so that we were leaving right around her morning nap time. We even went through the naptime routine before we left, with me reading her a story as she sat in her carseat by the front door. She fell asleep in the car and got a decent nap during the drive. Then when we arrived at my friend Mike's house, we went downstairs to the room where Gwen and I would be sleeping, and spent some time hanging out there, so that when I went to put her down for her nap, she wouldn't be in an unfamiliar room.
I brought *so* much stuff from home to help her feel comfortable, I felt a little ridiculous. But it all paid off!
A couple hours after we arrived, she was looking really tired, so I went through the naptime routine again, lay her in the playpen, and waited. She cried for only a few minutes, and then slept for two hours.
That evening, Gwen and I had a great visit with Janice at her new (beautiful!) home, then we stopped by medieval dance practice on our way back to [Uncle] Mike's place. When we got back to our temporary home, it was about an hour past Gwen's usual bedtime, but I felt it was important to do the whole bedtime routine. So I put her in her bumbo chair and fed her some cereal, then we went upstairs and had a bath. Then pajamas, bottle, storytime, prayers and lullaby, and into the playpen with her lovey (a gorgeous soft stuffed cow named "Mooey" that Mike gave me for my birthday last year). She babbled and cooed to herself for a few minutes, during which time I snuck out of the room. After a while, she began to cry, but that only lasted about 10 minutes. And then she slept for 6 hours.
When she woke in the night, I fed her for a few minutes and then put her back down. She barely even cried before going to sleep.
OH! And the other amazing thing is that as of Monday, GWEN NO LONGER SLEEPS SWADDLED.
Every night after Gwen goes to sleep, Chris says to me "Good job, honey." But really, it's all her. She has learned so much in the past few weeks, and I'm just so damn proud of her. I'm especially excited about the fact that she handled the trip to Victoria so well, as now I can travel with her without worrying about messing up her schedule. Quite a contrast from a few months ago when I could *only* get her to nap in the swing, and so felt afraid to take her anywhere.
Friday, November 14, 2008
Sleep Training: The First Glitch
Today went pretty well, all things considered. It was draining to know that I didn't have backup to trade shifts with me if it took Gwen a long time to fall asleep, but I was determined not to sabotage our progress so far by confusing her and changing techniques. Here are the results:
Up for 3 hours in morning: cried for 27 minutes: slept for 40 minutes
Up for 2.25 hours: cried for 17 minutes: slept for 40 minutes (damn that 40minute hump)
Up for 2.75 hours: cried for 14 minutes: slept for 2.5 hours
That last nap would be the glitch. She got up from her second nap at 1:05, and from then until 7pm (bedtime) was way too long to be awake; plus, she showed me signs of tiredness around 3pm. Figuring she'd have another 40-minute doze, I put her down at 3:30 and she fell asleep at 3:45.
She didn't wake up until 6:10. Which is when we are usually feeding her dinner.
So yeah, not sure what the rest of the night is going to look like now! We're going to give her dinner shortly after 7, then do bathtime and the rest of the bedtime routine, aiming to put her down around 8. Hopefully she'll be tired enough to go for it, or we may be in for way more than 14 minutes worth of crying.
Up for 3 hours in morning: cried for 27 minutes: slept for 40 minutes
Up for 2.25 hours: cried for 17 minutes: slept for 40 minutes (damn that 40minute hump)
Up for 2.75 hours: cried for 14 minutes: slept for 2.5 hours
That last nap would be the glitch. She got up from her second nap at 1:05, and from then until 7pm (bedtime) was way too long to be awake; plus, she showed me signs of tiredness around 3pm. Figuring she'd have another 40-minute doze, I put her down at 3:30 and she fell asleep at 3:45.
She didn't wake up until 6:10. Which is when we are usually feeding her dinner.
So yeah, not sure what the rest of the night is going to look like now! We're going to give her dinner shortly after 7, then do bathtime and the rest of the bedtime routine, aiming to put her down around 8. Hopefully she'll be tired enough to go for it, or we may be in for way more than 14 minutes worth of crying.
Sleep Training = Success!!
(First of all, if you haven't read last night's post (including all the edits), you should.)
So, last night Gwen slept from 7:14pm until ... ready? ... 6:28 this morning.
Yeah. We didn't hear a peep all night. And when we heard her this morning, it wasn't crying or fussing we heard, but sweet little noises as she babbled away to herself happily.
It felt like Christmas morning. Honestly, that's how happy and excited I was.
I wanted to wait and see how long she would stay content on her own, and also to reinforce what the Sleep Sense program suggests, that 'morning' doesn't start until 7am. So we waited half an hour. She was still happy, fribbing around in her crib. Chris went to get her and brought her into our room, where we turned on a (semi-dim) light and sat up so that we could demonstrate that it was indeed morning. We nursed, and cuddled, and played, and sang a couple of songs.
Now it's 8am and she's happily drinking her bottle beside me in the playpen (hooray for bottles with handles!). I plan to watch her signals carefully this morning and use a similar routine to get her down for a nap. This will be a challenge since I won't have Chris to trade off with me in 20-minute shifts, but I'm hoping that after last night's good sleep (11.5 hours! Holy crap!) she will be primed for good nappin'. Also, I think going back to the "old way" of getting her to nap would just confuse her. We're having such great success so far, I am motivated to keep working on it.
So, last night Gwen slept from 7:14pm until ... ready? ... 6:28 this morning.
Yeah. We didn't hear a peep all night. And when we heard her this morning, it wasn't crying or fussing we heard, but sweet little noises as she babbled away to herself happily.
It felt like Christmas morning. Honestly, that's how happy and excited I was.
I wanted to wait and see how long she would stay content on her own, and also to reinforce what the Sleep Sense program suggests, that 'morning' doesn't start until 7am. So we waited half an hour. She was still happy, fribbing around in her crib. Chris went to get her and brought her into our room, where we turned on a (semi-dim) light and sat up so that we could demonstrate that it was indeed morning. We nursed, and cuddled, and played, and sang a couple of songs.
Now it's 8am and she's happily drinking her bottle beside me in the playpen (hooray for bottles with handles!). I plan to watch her signals carefully this morning and use a similar routine to get her down for a nap. This will be a challenge since I won't have Chris to trade off with me in 20-minute shifts, but I'm hoping that after last night's good sleep (11.5 hours! Holy crap!) she will be primed for good nappin'. Also, I think going back to the "old way" of getting her to nap would just confuse her. We're having such great success so far, I am motivated to keep working on it.
Thursday, November 13, 2008
Liveblogging the Sleep Training!
We went through our bedtime routine and put Gwen in her crib at 7pm. Chris took the first shift while I went downstairs and set a timer for 20 minutes. Gwen cried for 14 minutes and then fell asleep.
I'm pleased with the small success of that. Chris says it was the hardest thing he's ever done. I'm so proud of both of them.
We'll see how long she stays asleep. The plan is not to feed her unless/until she sleeps for four hours. Next waking is my turn.
Edit, 8pm: It's very typical for Gwen to wake up at the 40-minute mark. She has wiggled and squirmed a couple of times but no crying out (yet). If/when she does, I have to wait 5 minutes before going in to her. If she manages to get over the 40-minute hump without fully waking up, it'll be a really good sign.
Edit, 8:45pm: Gwen is still asleep! She made it past the hump. I'm so proud of her. So far this is going really well, but there's still a long night ahead of us, so I'm heading to bed to get as much sleep as I can before whatever happens next.
Edit, 9:55pm: I'm too wired to sleep. Every time Gwen makes a move (I can hear and see her on the video monitor), I'm totally alert and waiting to see what happens next. She has already come to a light sleep and put herself back to sleep twice. I feel almost ashamed that I didn't have faith in her ability to do this. I also feel odd about not being needed. Didn't expect that.
Right now I'm kind of debating what will be harder: trying to put her back to sleep without feeding her (if she wakes before 11:15) or feeding her but not letting her fall back to sleep on my lap. What a night. Still - whatever comes of the rest of tonight and the rest of the training, I am just so incredibly happy and excited because we have already learned that she can do it. She can put herself to sleep. What an amazing girl we have.
Now if only *I* could calm myself and get to sleep...
I'm pleased with the small success of that. Chris says it was the hardest thing he's ever done. I'm so proud of both of them.
We'll see how long she stays asleep. The plan is not to feed her unless/until she sleeps for four hours. Next waking is my turn.
Edit, 8pm: It's very typical for Gwen to wake up at the 40-minute mark. She has wiggled and squirmed a couple of times but no crying out (yet). If/when she does, I have to wait 5 minutes before going in to her. If she manages to get over the 40-minute hump without fully waking up, it'll be a really good sign.
Edit, 8:45pm: Gwen is still asleep! She made it past the hump. I'm so proud of her. So far this is going really well, but there's still a long night ahead of us, so I'm heading to bed to get as much sleep as I can before whatever happens next.
Edit, 9:55pm: I'm too wired to sleep. Every time Gwen makes a move (I can hear and see her on the video monitor), I'm totally alert and waiting to see what happens next. She has already come to a light sleep and put herself back to sleep twice. I feel almost ashamed that I didn't have faith in her ability to do this. I also feel odd about not being needed. Didn't expect that.
Right now I'm kind of debating what will be harder: trying to put her back to sleep without feeding her (if she wakes before 11:15) or feeding her but not letting her fall back to sleep on my lap. What a night. Still - whatever comes of the rest of tonight and the rest of the training, I am just so incredibly happy and excited because we have already learned that she can do it. She can put herself to sleep. What an amazing girl we have.
Now if only *I* could calm myself and get to sleep...
Thoughts on Sleep Training
Full-on sleep training starts tonight.
I ordered the Sleep Sense program yesterday and read pretty much the entire thing over the afternoon/evening. We are ready to start.
(Incidentally, I chose this program for a few reasons: I've heard good things about it, her philosophy seems sound to me, and the author lives just a hop, skip and a jump across the water in Sechelt, which somehow makes her more of a real person to me.)
(Also, the No-Cry program was totally not working. Every night we did the same thing, and every night Gwen gave us a different result: anywhere from 40 minutes to 10 hours of sleep. Maddening! My patience was starting to wear very thin.)
I put Gwen down for her nap just now, in the usual way: nursed her to sleep on my lap, then gently transferred her to her crib. I marvelled at the fact that tonight, by my own choice, I will trade this peaceful routine - who doesn't love to have a sleeping baby in their lap? - for a night of crying, screaming, and anguish. Not all of it Gwen's.
But that choice, I am convinced, is the right one. It makes sense to me that a baby (or child, or adult) who goes to sleep in one place and wakes up in another will feel disoriented and upset. It makes sense that that baby would then cry out and insist that the original circumstances be re-created so she can go back to sleep. It makes sense that if those circumstances involve my lap and my breast, I will need to be physically involved every single time she wakes. And it sure as hell makes sense that I can't continue to provide that forever.
I know tonight will be hard. But labour was hard too, and we got through it because we knew the result would be worth it. Falling to sleep on one's own, learning to self-soothe, is an absolutely vital skill, and one that Gwen will use all her life. It will be worth it.
Look forward to more posting tonight while I listen to my baby scream in protest.
I ordered the Sleep Sense program yesterday and read pretty much the entire thing over the afternoon/evening. We are ready to start.
(Incidentally, I chose this program for a few reasons: I've heard good things about it, her philosophy seems sound to me, and the author lives just a hop, skip and a jump across the water in Sechelt, which somehow makes her more of a real person to me.)
(Also, the No-Cry program was totally not working. Every night we did the same thing, and every night Gwen gave us a different result: anywhere from 40 minutes to 10 hours of sleep. Maddening! My patience was starting to wear very thin.)
I put Gwen down for her nap just now, in the usual way: nursed her to sleep on my lap, then gently transferred her to her crib. I marvelled at the fact that tonight, by my own choice, I will trade this peaceful routine - who doesn't love to have a sleeping baby in their lap? - for a night of crying, screaming, and anguish. Not all of it Gwen's.
But that choice, I am convinced, is the right one. It makes sense to me that a baby (or child, or adult) who goes to sleep in one place and wakes up in another will feel disoriented and upset. It makes sense that that baby would then cry out and insist that the original circumstances be re-created so she can go back to sleep. It makes sense that if those circumstances involve my lap and my breast, I will need to be physically involved every single time she wakes. And it sure as hell makes sense that I can't continue to provide that forever.
I know tonight will be hard. But labour was hard too, and we got through it because we knew the result would be worth it. Falling to sleep on one's own, learning to self-soothe, is an absolutely vital skill, and one that Gwen will use all her life. It will be worth it.
Look forward to more posting tonight while I listen to my baby scream in protest.
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