...what it is, ain't exactly clear ...
Yesterday brought about a big change in the physical reality of being me. The big two are:
- I am breathing more easily. When I read aloud in the evenings, I can get through entire sentences without pausing to gasp for air.
- I have more energy. I can go up the whole flight of stairs without resting, or clutching desperately for the banister to haul myself up.
Furthermore, on the whole, I am just feeling healthier and less awkward. Less "trapped in the meat suit". I'm really glad for that, too, because my body and I have got a big challenge ahead of us, and it will be easier to meet if we are on good terms.
So, I don't know exactly what's causing these changes. Could be the baby's dropped even lower into my pelvis, allowing me to breathe better and have more energy. Could be the legendary "burst of energy" that signifies labour is coming soon. Or, it could simply be that having gotten more rest in the past week has had a really positive effect on my body, allowing it to replenish itself somehow.
On another note, in case you're morbidly interested, I now know how much weight I've gained in this pregnancy. Once you're under the care of an OB, such things become necessary. It's about 60 pounds. I am less shocked and hurt by this number than I thought I might be. I thought I would feel completely disgusted with myself, but I don't. I think there are several things that have helped with that:
- Although the Pregnancy Expert Websites tell you to gain only 30 pounds, I know of several Real Moms who Blog who've gained closer to 60.
- And lost it again.
- The people who have heard of my 60-pound gain - the obstetrical nurses, for example - have not responded with "Omigawd, how much?" or other expressions of dismay or disgust.
- My husband still snuggles up to me every night and lets me know that he thinks I'm beautiful and desirable.
- I know I can lose it all again. I know it will be hard, probably the hardest thing I've ever done, and I know I will never look the same as I did pre-baby. But I know I can get back to a happy, healthy weight, and I will.
Chris and I were talking about this last night, and about the importance of me having a positive relationship with my body as I go into labour. He came up with a brilliant mantra that I've repeated to myself several times since: this is not my marathon body. This is my birthing body. Like the marathon body, this body has gone through a lot of training to get ready for the big event, and I can be proud and awed and respectful of what it can accomplish, because my body is amazing and it is about a lot more than looks.